Dear Jacqui:
Hi, I've been seeing this guy for almost two years. When we first met we were really good friends, I found him annoying at first. We had sex, that was the first time and ever since that we've been having sex. It was good at first but now I love him and want to be with him and it's not mutual, or at least I think it's not.

He never gives me straight answers. He'll tell me that he's not good for me and that this is bad. But I want to know that if it's so bad why does it feel so right to me? He is like so anti-love. I date other people but just to try and get my mind off of him. But I would do anything to be with him... Please help me...
Robin

Dear Robin:
Your feelings of love are genuine and it is hard to accept that the man you are in love with does not have the capacity, at least at this time, to reciprocate your feelings. We understand that this causes you a lot or stress and a sense of rejection. Unfortunately, nobody has the ability to make someone else love or feel a certain way. But, in most cases, his feelings and his actions have nothing to do with you.

He probably simply isn't ready or doesn't know how to love. Maybe he did indeed have some painful or difficult experiences that make him unable to open up at this time, even if you are the most wonderful person he's ever met. So you really have only two choices and neither is what you most want. One is to stop seeing him which you tried. We know this is difficult but time has a way of healing your pains and frustration.

The other is for the two of you to try to improve communication between you. Don't accuse him of not loving you, maybe you should listen to him and find out his frustrations and fears. That might bring you closer, at least it will give you a better understanding as to how you wish to proceed. And then, remember, we have the wonderful ability to experience love more than once in our lives.

Jacqui




		Young Love
	"Why can't I make him love me?" Dear Jacqui: Hi, I've been seeing this guy for almost two years. When we first met we were really good friends, I found him annoying at first. We had sex, that was the first time and ever since that we've been having sex. It was good at first but now I love him and want to be with him and it's not mutual, or at least I think it's not. He never gives me straight answers. He'll tell me that he's not good for me and that this is bad. But I want to know that if it's so bad why does it feel so right to me? He is like so anti-love. I date other people but just to try and get my mind off of him. But I would do anything to be with him... Please help me... Robin Dear Robin: Your feelings of love are genuine and it is hard to accept that the man you are in love with does not have the capacity, at least at this time, to reciprocate your feelings. We understand that this causes you a lot or stress and a sense of rejection. Unfortunately, nobody has the ability to make someone else love or feel a certain way. But, in most cases, his feelings and his actions have nothing to do with you. He probably simply isn't ready or doesn't know how to love. Maybe he did indeed have some painful or difficult experiences that make him unable to open up at this time, even if you are the most wonderful person he's ever met. So you really have only two choices and neither is what you most want. One is to stop seeing him which you tried. We know this is difficult but time has a way of healing your pains and frustration. The other is for the two of you to try to improve communication between you. Don't accuse him of not loving you, maybe you should listen to him and find out his frustrations and fears. That might bring you closer, at least it will give you a better understanding as to how you wish to proceed. And then, remember, we have the wonderful ability to experience love more than once in our lives. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

	Back to Young Love Q & A