Dear Jacqui,
I'm in love with my boyfriend and we are only 18 years old, we just recently got engaged. I really want to have sex with him but I'm afraid it's going to hurt really bad are there any tips to prevent the first time from hurting? Lillian

Dear Lillian,
First of all, congratulations on your engagement. I can well understand both your desire and your fear. Let me suggest the following; you and your fiancé should read a couple of books together about basic principles of sexuality.

You should both learn about your bodies and lovemaking before being sexually involved. I suggest this because lovemaking, just like any other thing, doesn't just happen spontaneously, it is learned. There is foreplay, there is penetration and intercourse and there is loving expression afterwards. Foreplay is especially important, that is how you and he prepare each other for joining together.

Most women are not ready for being penetrated for before they are really excited and open and that takes a minimum of fifteen to twenty minutes of foreplay. Learn about it, talk about it together, learn to touch each other, and share with him your fears.

Lovemaking is supposed to give both partners great pleasure and that can only happen when both lovers are caring and open with each other and can talk about all the issues in their lives, especially the issues in sexuality.

You might wish to buy a book called The Joy of Sex, it's a long-standing basic. But there are many more books and tapes that help guide you so your first sexual adventure becomes pleasurable. And, by the way, many women have a broken hymen when they make love the first time and experience no pain at all. I hope you follow my advice and be sure to learn how to protect yourself so you don't end up being pregnant before both of you are ready to have a baby. I wish you great happiness.

Jacqui

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