Dear Jacqui:
A few days ago my wife told me that she has never experienced an orgasm. She said that sex feels good to her but after awhile the feeling goes away. She said that she has never experienced a climax. Is this normal? She has had other sex partners before we married, so I don't think its me. Please send advice, thanks.
Oliver

Dear Oliver:
It is true that many women never experience an orgasm at all. Often this inability to fully enjoy sexuality is based on their upbringing and their feeling that they are not entitled to sexual pleasure.

It is also true that many women don't reach their sexual maturity until their forties or even fifties. A recent poll states that "married women in their fifties" reported greatest sexual happiness among all women at any age, married or unmarried. There is a reason why your wife told you recently that she never climaxed. Possibly she is now ready to explore greater intimacy with you.

As we mature, we become more confident and comfortable with ourselves so it is not unusual that we then wish to explore new experiences in life, includingthe sharing of greater sexual freedom and deeper sexual pleasure.

I suggest you to have a long and loving talk. Share with each other how you feel about sexuality. Admit to each other in great detail what you both like, what stimulates you.

Great intimacy is based on open and loving communication and on knowing each other really well, in bed and out. Possibly the two of you might wish to embark on learning more about the sensual realm. There are very good books and tapes to help you or even a couple of visits to a sex therapist might open this new world to you.

It is wonderful that you took the first step. Now help your wife to enjoy this journey with you. You are clearly vested in this marriage and interested in your wife's happiness. Bravo. If you can take the next step it will invariably lead to greater closeness and happiness and better intimacy.

Jacqui

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