Dear Jacqui,
My fiancé was without a partner for a while before he and I got together. He has a bad habit of masturbating. I don't like it at all. I feel if he can't get off while we are together, he will next time. But, he just can't wait. I have busted him in the process of cleaning up and he just says that I will get over it, or he is too tired and that sex takes too much energy. This makes me feel like I can't satisfy him, or that I am not good enough for him. I was wondering if there was something I could say to get him to stop and wait for me to satisfy him? Sincerely,
Carol

Dear Carol,
I can understand the delicate nature of your problem and it has a number of aspects. Your feelings of not being able to satisfy him or not being good enough for him are alarming me? There is no reason in the world that you should feel inadequate. Quite the contrary, this is the man you expect to be your partner in life. You are engaged and even at this stage sex is too cumbersome for him. How does he expect to build a happy intimate life together?

How does he expect to fulfill you sexually if at this time, when he should desire "you" deeply, he can only think of himself and his gratification? There is something very wrong in this equation. How can you, dear Carol, accept his behavior? I suggest that you both see a therapist together and get to the cause of this problem before it gets worse. It is possible that your fiancé has some psychological issues that need to be cleared up before you take the step to marriage.

It would also help you to understand why you don't feel worthy enough to expect the most wonderful treatment from your fiancé, including being entitled to all the pleasures that lovemaking can give you both. Another point you might consider is the fact many men having been without a sexual partner for an extended time are quite used to gratify themselves through masturbation. But most give up the habit when they have the opportunity to be sexually engaged with the woman they love. Sometimes they may still masturbate on occasion but not instead of enjoying sexual activity with their loving partner.

Jacqui



			Improving Sex & Intimacy
	"How can I make him stop masturbating?" Dear Jacqui, My fiancé was without a partner for a while before he and I got together. He has a bad habit of masturbating. I don't like it at all. I feel if he can't get off while we are together, he will next time. But, he just can't wait. I have busted him in the process of cleaning up and he just says that I will get over it, or he is too tired and that sex takes too much energy. This makes me feel like I can't satisfy him, or that I am not good enough for him. I was wondering if there was something I could say to get him to stop and wait for me to satisfy him? Sincerely, Carol Dear Carol, I can understand the delicate nature of your problem and it has a number of aspects. Your feelings of not being able to satisfy him or not being good enough for him are alarming me? There is no reason in the world that you should feel inadequate. Quite the contrary, this is the man you expect to be your partner in life. You are engaged and even at this stage sex is too cumbersome for him. How does he expect to build a happy intimate life together? How does he expect to fulfill you sexually if at this time, when he should desire "you" deeply, he can only think of himself and his gratification? There is something very wrong in this equation. How can you, dear Carol, accept his behavior? I suggest that you both see a therapist together and get to the cause of this problem before it gets worse. It is possible that your fiancé has some psychological issues that need to be cleared up before you take the step to marriage. It would also help you to understand why you don't feel worthy enough to expect the most wonderful treatment from your fiancé, including being entitled to all the pleasures that lovemaking can give you both. Another point you might consider is the fact many men having been without a sexual partner for an extended time are quite used to gratify themselves through masturbation. But most give up the habit when they have the opportunity to be sexually engaged with the woman they love. Sometimes they may still masturbate on occasion but not instead of enjoying sexual activity with their loving partner. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.
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