Dear Jacqui:
I get very easily aroused but have trouble staying aroused. I am very aroused into the foreplay, but after awhile I am not as aroused. Or my girlfriend and I will be having sex and we changed positions and then all the sudden my penis goes down. I just can't understand it. She is the most beautiful girl with the most beautiful body. We have been dating 4 years now and the sex was good the first year. I am 26 and she is 32.

I have never made her reach an orgasm through our relationship and sometimes I think I try to hard to make her orgasm. But sometimes I can stay hard for hours and even go another time after I have orgasm already. Before our relationship I use to masturbate a lot, and sometimes still do in this relationship. I usually feel if I get a hard on over any little thing I need to cum, so a lot of times I will masturbate.

But I even tried to stop masturbating for a few days and see how I perform. But my problem occurs again. I went to a doctor to see if I needed viagra, but he told if you can get it hard you don't need viagra. He basically said it is all psychological. Can you please write back with some advice. Thank You.
Jeff

DearJeff:
Your symptoms do seem to be of a psychological nature. What you need to know is that your thought processes and feelings do influence your physiological actions. This is true for all men and all women. Most sexually active people have little dysfunction at time, usually caused by stress and often by performance pressures. It's a very natural occurrence, whereas on most occasions they can perform quite normally.

During the arousal stage the brain sends several signals to other areas of a woman and a man's body to initiate certain actions to occur. In a woman these signals initiate her to become lubricated, moist, so she is ready for sexuality. In a the man the signals cause the penis to become hard.

Sometimes, when a man or a woman is under pressure, whatever their nature, there is signal interference. The signals never get to where they should go and consequently the sexual parts don't function as desired. So the issue to think about is what is the interference. Once that problem is resolved sexuality usually becomes normal and totally enjoyable again. The key is good communication between partners.

You write that you have never brought your girlfriend to an orgasm. It is quite possible that when you are making love this pressure to make her come to orgasm interferes with your enjoyment and performance, even though you are not fully conscious of it. Every man wants to please his woman and we commend your concern for her to make her happy.

We believe, however, that you and your girlfriend should openly discuss the matter in a caring way. Maybe you could suggest that it would be wonderful to improve your relationship and become closer and that you are concerned that she does not enjoy sexuality as much as she possibly could.

Find out what it is that she really likes, how she would like to be touched, maybe she is more stimulated by manual or oral sex. Tell her what you like, what makes you happy and what concerns you. If this is too hard for you to try, you might find a counselor to help start the sensitive discussion between the two of you.

We are quite sure you will be able to overcome you "hardness" problem once you get to the core of the issue that's been interfering with the enjoyment of your relationship.

Jacqui

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