Dear Jacqui,
My sexual desire has disappeared completely. I've talked to the doctor about it but all he managed to do was send me to a clinic that checked me out medically (infections etc.). He also sold me a bunch of wax penis-shaped 'candles' I'm to insert and practice Kegels on, vaginal exercises. It's done nothing for my lack of sexual desire. My husband thinks it's him but I know it's me. What can I do? Can you recommend any herbs or medications? Thanx, Lilly

Dear Lilly,
I can well understand your sense of frustration. Lack of sexual desire can be a complicated matter because it may involve both physiological as well as psychological issues. But in either case, it certainly puts a lot of stress on your marriage. So let's see if we can sort it out. Since I don't know your age or history -- I have to make certain assumptions.

Firstly, has your doctor checked your hormone levels? Sometimes lack of a particular hormone can depress libido. In cases like these, your medical practitioner may suggest hormone medication. It may be administered orally or applied topically in your vaginal area. This kind of treatment has helped many women with similar symptoms.

Secondly, are you on any medication, specifically are you taking any anti-depressants? A number of these medications are known to depress sexual desire. However, there are now new treatments on the market that do not produce these side effects. If you are taking such medication I have to refer you to your doctor so he can recommend a change in treatment.

Also, what's going on in your life? Have you had undue stress lately? Do you feel listless and unhappy? Our inner feelings often create havoc with the way our bodies function. When we feel continued sadness, which is called a depression, it is quite common that this may be the cause of the symptoms you describe. Often it is not easy to understand why we feel sad or even distanced from the people we love. Sometimes these feelings go back to our childhood and are triggered by factors we are not aware of.

So, since I am trying to help you I must ask you to help me and try to follow my advice. Call your doctor or, if you don't feel comfortable with him, maybe you wish to talk to a woman doctor. Get a thorough physical check up. If there is no reason to be concerned about a health condition, then I suggest you talk to a therapist or counselor a few times. These kinds of services are available in many communities, some without charge.

Finally, how is the communication between you and your husband? I suggest their needs to be more frank and open talk. Obviously he is concerned since he thinks it is somehow related to his actions. Reassure him, a condition like that is nobody's fault. If both your wish is to find a happy solution you need to be direct with each other and find the way together in solving this temporary problem.

I can assure you that many couples have experiences these kinds of hurdles and overcome them. I wish you the courage to go forward and get the help you deserve.

Jacqui

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