Painful Sex
"Intercourse is painful,
but only when he first enters me."

Dear Jacqui,
I'm 25 years old and lost my virginity at 18. I have never experienced vaginal dryness or painful intercourse. But now, even when I'm wet, intercourse is painful, when he first enters me. It hurts and it makes me dizzy and nauseous. After he first enters me, it doesn't hurt. This pain has just been happening for the past month or two. I've been with my fiance for 8 months and don't understand why all of the sudden I hurt. Please give me some advice. I've used KY liquid and astroglide for my dryness.
Thank you,
Missy

Dear Missy,
Many women experience pain upon penetration. It many cases the discomfort is caused because penetration happens too quickly.

It is of great importance that both partners indulge in long, leisurely foreplay before proceeding to penetration. It takes the woman about fifteen to twenty minutes to get "warmed up" whereas a man is ready in a matter of minutes. The right moment to proceed to intercourse is when both of you absolutely cannot wait another second till being joined together.

In fact, many sexologists suggest that the woman should experience an orgasm before penetration occurs. In your case, I think there is an additional, psychological trigger involved. Since you experienced pain during penetration several times, you probably expect pain to happen again.

It would therefore be quite a natural reaction that your vaginal muscles tighten up just before penetration. This can cause you additional discomfort. It is also possible that in addition to longer warm-up you should try a different position for the beginning of actual intercourse. Be sure to discuss these issues with your partner. Lovemaking is about pleasure not about pain.

And yes, use an appropriate vaginal moisturizer. Both products you mentioned are lubricants, not vaginal moisturizer. Astroglide was originally sold to the homosexual market and was formulated for men primarily. We suggest you try Very Private which contains two vaginal moisturizers plus a lubricant.

This richer formula was specifically developed to protect the vaginal tissue and make intercourse more comfortable, even for couples who like a prolonged experience. If the pain continues, please see your gynecologist. You might have an undetected vaginal or pelvic infection.

Finally, please share these suggestions with your partner. You need to establish good communication with each other, including discussing sexual subjects. Be open, be detailed. Tell each other what you like and what feels wonderful. To develop a wonderful intimate life you must learn to trust and share your needs and desires.

Jacqui

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