Dear Jacqui:
I had sex with this guy I love and we have been together for over a year. The problem is my hymen has been broken and I still have painful sex, it is not a disease just a discomfort. I need suggestions to make sex pleasurable. I was with one other person before and this rarely occurred although I feared him greatly. Maybe, I'm psychologically scared. My boyfriend tells me that I tighten up and it hurts him as well. What do I do?

I do notice myself tightening up and laying stiff as a board. The pain feels like he is hitting a wall and it won't go any deeper, yet his fingers go all the way in with room and his penis is not that big. I don't understand, am I scared of sex? I'm sorry, I just really need some answers no one else seems to be able to really help, thank you.
Caroline

Dear Caroline:
Of course I can understand that you are scared. Many women who have had a painful experience with a man can develop a sense of anxiety that prevents them to enjoy and feel comfortable in a new relationship, in bed and out. I believe that it would give you great relief if you saw a psychologist and talked about these feelings so you learn to understand what it is exactly that you fear.

Our feelings strongly affect our physical reactions. Once you can discuss these fears and these past experiences that caused them, I am sure you will be able to let go of them and not feel anxious and "tight". You should also share these intimate matters with your new partner so he can understand just what is going on and can help you in solving your problems.

Explain to him that it will take a little time to learn to trust him. Understand that he is not the man who harmed you. Concentrate on feelings between you. How do his kisses feel, his touches, his body.

Begin to appreciate these new positive feelings of love rather than dwelling on your past. Share with him what you like, what excites you and be specific. During intimacy take your time in foreplay. Penetration should only occur when both partners absolutely cannot wait another second because they are so excited. Yes, sex is about pleasure, not fear or pain.

Jacquin's health and gynecology




		Painful Sex
	How can I make sex pleasurable? Dear Jacqui: I had sex with this guy I love and we have been together for over a year. The problem is my hymen has been broken and I still have painful sex, it is not a disease just a discomfort. I need suggestions to make sex pleasurable. I was with one other person before and this rarely occurred although I feared him greatly. Maybe, I'm psychologically scared. My boyfriend tells me that I tighten up and it hurts him as well. What do I do? I do notice myself tightening up and laying stiff as a board. The pain feels like he is hitting a wall and it won't go any deeper, yet his fingers go all the way in with room and his penis is not that big. I don't understand, am I scared of sex? I'm sorry, I just really need some answers no one else seems to be able to really help, thank you. Caroline Dear Caroline: Of course I can understand that you are scared. Many women who have had a painful experience with a man can develop a sense of anxiety that prevents them to enjoy and feel comfortable in a new relationship, in bed and out. I believe that it would give you great relief if you saw a psychologist and talked about these feelings so you learn to understand what it is exactly that you fear. Our feelings strongly affect our physical reactions. Once you can discuss these fears and these past experiences that caused them, I am sure you will be able to let go of them and not feel anxious and "tight". You should also share these intimate matters with your new partner so he can understand just what is going on and can help you in solving your problems. Explain to him that it will take a little time to learn to trust him. Understand that he is not the man who harmed you. Concentrate on feelings between you. How do his kisses feel, his touches, his body. Begin to appreciate these new positive feelings of love rather than dwelling on your past. Share with him what you like, what excites you and be specific. During intimacy take your time in foreplay. Penetration should only occur when both partners absolutely cannot wait another second because they are so excited. Yes, sex is about pleasure, not fear or pain. Jacquin's health and gynecology Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

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