Dear Jacqui,
I am married but not happily and I have met someone else who is perfect, as perfect as perfect can be. He's sweet, sincere, honest, loving, everything my husband is not. I haven't been with him in a sexual manner but my heart is very confused. I feel if I stay in my marriage, I may end up hating myself for life. What do you suggest?
Candice

Dear Candice:
I am happy for you that you met a man you feel so good about. Sometimes in life we need to make changes. Having made a bad choice should not mean that we have to live with it forever. The question you should ask yourself is how sure you are about this new man? How long do you know him?

Do you believe, deep in your heart, that you could have a happy life with him or are their any feelings of doubt? If you are not completely sure, maybe time will tell. If you are sure, you might want to enter a period of separation. Have you ever told your husband how deeply unhappy you are and have been. Maybe he would be relieved. Maybe he too would like a different life.

Maybe he would be different if you could voice your needs and discuss your feelings. Sometimes partners have no idea how the other really feels. If you choose to have a frank conversation with your husband, do not, at least at this time, discuss the other man. Your problem is not the other man. Your problem is your current marriage.

And that has to be solved first so that you have clarity about your feelings and what to do next. Would you still want to leave your husband if "the other man" didn't exist? I suggest that you discuss the situation with a very good friend you can trust or a marriage counselor. We have a resource list for psychological or physiological help resources on our web site.

Jacqui

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