Dear Jacqui,
I have a problem with my relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. When we first got together it was fantastic. The relationship was wonderful in every way; but 1 month later I moved away. He later moved to be with me, but since then there has been a real issue with sex and intimacy. He is extremely affectionate person who kisses me and hugs me all the time. He swears that he loves me but he just won't have sex with me or any other form of sexual contact.

I have offered to go to counseling with him or do anything that he feels may help with this problem, but he just tries to sweep it under the carpet. I'm at my wits end what should I do? I love him very much but 'I'm finding it hard to plan a future with him if it means having sex and intimacy 3 times a year. What can I do to try to resolve this?
McBeth.

Dear McBeth,
Yours is a difficult situation since your boyfriend refuses to even acknowledge there is a problem. Here are your choices:

1) Have an open and really fundamental discussion with him. Don't accuse him. Tell him how hard it is for you, how much pain this sexual withdrawal causes you. Assure him of your love and tell him that you are trying to understand what is going on in his head and his feelings and how you can resolve the situation together.

2) If that won't lead anywhere, suggest that the two of you see a therapist together. There are free community services in every area if cost is a factor. Reassure him that your hope is to improve and deepen the relationship. To do so, you both have to understand what is going on inside each of you so you can work out things together, do not blame him, be encouraging.

3) If none of these suggestions are acceptable to him, then, I think you're right not to be hopeful about this relationship or about having a future together. Just think if this would happen when you're already married. Maybe you should suggest a separation at first and be strong and NOT see him for some time. If he truly cares about you and the relationship he will be willing to tackle the problem. Otherwise he is not deserving of so lovely a person, as you seem to be.

Jacqui




		Young Love
	"I'm finding it very hard to plan a future with him if it means having intimacy 3 times a year." Dear Jacqui, I have a problem with my relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. When we first got together it was fantastic. The relationship was wonderful in every way; but 1 month later I moved away. He later moved to be with me, but since then there has been a real issue with sex and intimacy. He is extremely affectionate person who kisses me and hugs me all the time. He swears that he loves me but he just won't have sex with me or any other form of sexual contact. I have offered to go to counseling with him or do anything that he feels may help with this problem, but he just tries to sweep it under the carpet. I'm at my wits end what should I do? I love him very much but 'I'm finding it hard to plan a future with him if it means having sex and intimacy 3 times a year. What can I do to try to resolve this? McBeth. Dear McBeth, Yours is a difficult situation since your boyfriend refuses to even acknowledge there is a problem. Here are your choices: 1) Have an open and really fundamental discussion with him. Don't accuse him. Tell him how hard it is for you, how much pain this sexual withdrawal causes you. Assure him of your love and tell him that you are trying to understand what is going on in his head and his feelings and how you can resolve the situation together. 2) If that won't lead anywhere, suggest that the two of you see a therapist together. There are free community services in every area if cost is a factor. Reassure him that your hope is to improve and deepen the relationship. To do so, you both have to understand what is going on inside each of you so you can work out things together, do not blame him, be encouraging. 3) If none of these suggestions are acceptable to him, then, I think you're right not to be hopeful about this relationship or about having a future together. Just think if this would happen when you're already married. Maybe you should suggest a separation at first and be strong and NOT see him for some time. If he truly cares about you and the relationship he will be willing to tackle the problem. Otherwise he is not deserving of so lovely a person, as you seem to be. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.
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