Dear Jacqui,
When my husband and I engage in sex, I would get large amounts of discharge during sex, so much we had to stop and wipe it up off each other. I didn't have an orgasm. It's embarrassing. I have so much wetness, now I'm less interested sex and I'm going to see a doctor for a medical check-up about this. I'm afraid it might affect my marriage, help, Melissa

Dear Melissa,
Above all, don't rush into a divorce. If a separation is bearable for both of you while you're trying to sort things out, stay in touch, keep talking and nurturing the love feeling. You may end up friends, or friends and lovers, or happily married.

Life takes funny twists and turns. Now that I understand your situation a little better I can see that the sexual problem may have really started with a physiological event, namely your negative reaction when you discovered a certain amount of discharge during intercourse. You probably were upset and maybe even embarrassed by your body's reaction. You saw it and still do as a negative, a turn off. Maybe you felt ashamed that this happened to you.

It could well be that this shock and embarrassment may have caused all kinds of psychological pressures which could have resulted in the loss of sexual desire. That is not unusual. If this may be the case or at least partially the case, I feel quite confident that the problem can be addressed and quite possibly clarified and resolved.

Let me mention here that quite a number of women experience female ejaculation during intercourse and this is different from orgasm. You can read more about it on the www.veryprivate website under advice, click on Improving Sex and Intimacy. Many women who first experience this event are confused or embarrassed by it. I am not saying that this is what you experienced, but it is a possibility and, as such, a normal bodily reaction that many other women have witnessed.

Once they understand what it is and share the knowledge with their partner it becomes a natural part of lovemaking and is no longer undesirable or even threatening. It also may have been a hormonal problem. So it's a good idea to have your hormones checked especially since thorough testing has not been done. You furthermore write that in the last year sex became painful. I am not surprised. If you're not turned on, your body is not turned on.

Your vaginal muscles are tight and therefore sexuality becomes uncomfortable. Lovemaking is about pleasure not about duty or performance. If your heart and soul say no -- your body gets that signal and will not open up.

Penetration and intercourse should not happen unless both partners can absolutely not wait another second to be sharing this experience. I believe you should reflect on these thoughts. I am glad you are getting a medical check-up. You should also explore professional counseling for your condition.

I do have the sense that there is a psychological issue that requires discussion and resolution. With your positive attitude to get to the bottom of the problem I know you will. Don't lose the good feelings you have for your husband, I believe they will be rewarded.

Jacqui

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