Improving Sex & Intimacy
"I'm not interested in having sex and
my husband is getting agitated about it"

Dear Jacqui,
I'm 30 years old and I think I have a problem with sex. I mean I'm not interested in doing it with my husband. I love my husband with all my heart and soul and he is absolutely wonderful to me. We also have no children at this time.

My husband does everything for me, pays for the huge house we live in and recently bought me a new Lexis Coupe with a sunroof. But I just don't feel like having sex or doing anything new sexually. Lately, however, he's been very agitated and is getting stressed-out about my disposition. I don't want to lose him. He told me the other night making love is part of being in love. Help Mariah

Dear Mariah,
I appreciate your candor and courage to try to resolve this sensitive and divisive problem. I believe it is both physiological and psychologically based. Firstly, I would suggest that you get a thorough opinion from a gynecologist that specializes in hormonal and/or sexual dysfunction. Often our hormonal levels are the root cause of loss of sexual desire and it may be one of the causes of your sexual apathy.

Secondly, are you being treated with any medication? Many drugs play a significant role in limiting sexual desire. However, with the proper diagnosis and the possibility of some hormonal correction your loss of libido may be corrected. Since I don't know you personally and don't know your detailed medical record I can only speak to you in general terms.

Next, let me address some of your comments. You tell me you don't want to try anything new. This may be a problem of a psychological nature and I am sure that with proper guidance they can be corrected. This is best done with the help of couple counseling. It might also be helpful for the two of you to attend a retreat of seminar on sexuality to overcome some of your problems. The key issue is that you both commit to solving the problem together so you can build a strong marriage including a happy sexual life.

Clearly your relationship has enormous value and you understand well that the issue of intimacy does threaten both your happiness. I hope you follow your instinct and seek the appropriate advice. I am very confident that if you commit to getting the needed therapy it will help you to have the kind
of happiness in your marriage you both deserve. With best wishes.

Jacqui

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