Dear Jacqui,
My husband and I have been together for a few years. He was a 40-year-old virgin when we met - We are able to communicate our sexual needs and desires to a point that he is satisfied, and I am sometimes. He isn't willing to be sexually overly creative.He also changed our home improvement and vacation plans abruptly, which were previously agreed upon. Matter of fact when he found out I couldn't go on vacation he went anyway! I told how hurt I was, but he didn't seem to care.

Now I don't care to engage in sex with him. I still want sex, but I need more than just sex to be satisfied in our relationship - I need a partner who listens, communicates and understands. Help!
Jeda

Dear Jeda,
I can well understand your pain and frustration -- it is essential that you two stop the alienation; the process of getting away from each other and start communicating so you can rebuild the relationship. Is it not possible for you to reach him, sit down, or take a long leisurely walk and be caring but open, tell him of your hurt, your feeling of being shut out and that you want very much to make this a more meaningful more caring and intimate marriage.

If you cannot find the way to each other by yourselves, please involve the help of a trained professional. You don't want to start a family in which the parental relationship is severely damaged. Just think of the suffering that will affect everyone. Maybe that will make him understand and be willing to consider his actions.

I wish you the courage to not only face the issues, which you do but to try hard to involve your husband in the process of building a more intimate bond.

Jacqui

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