Improving
Sex
& Intimacy
How can I learn to have more
intensity and pleasure in intercourse?

Dear Jacqui:
Why is it said, that women should have an orgasm before intercourse begins with her partner. I would think having intercourse with someone that you love would be very satisfying. The feelings of loving that someone and knowing you are very close with him in every way is a wonderful feeling.

Well my question would be why would a woman want to have an orgasm before she has sex, which would be great. Don't get me wrong, unless she is one of those fortunate women who have multiple orgasms and she can have one before and during sex. Also, what if you can only have one real orgasm at most periods of sex and that's all. How do you learn to have multiple orgasms? Besides doing the "Kegel excercises", although that's how I learned to get the first one down pat.

It worked for the first one, could it really work for multiple orgasms if the "Kegels" are increased? Would you please advise me as to what works for more intensity and pleasure in intercourse?
Alicia

Dear Alicia:
There are no rules in sexuality. Each human being experiences intimacy in his or her own special way. Some women are ready for intercourse right away, others prefer long and languid foreplay. Some women enjoy penetration much more after they have enjoyed reaching orgasm through manual or oral stimulation.

Intimacy is about pleasure, not about sexual acrobatics or rules. To feel pleasure and to give pleasure to your partner it is important to know what your partner likes and needs. Share with your partner, in great detail, what gives you the greatest pleasure. Consequently, open and caring communication about the subject can only improve the enjoyment for both of you.

Nobody can guess, but trying different poses, different angles and techniques and learning more about sexual expressions through communication with each other, through the help of how-to books and tapes may well lead you to more intense, more enjoyable intimacy. Nowhere is it written that a women who has enjoyed a single orgasm for some time cannot learn to be multi-orgasmic.

There are excellent books and tapes on the subject, and a number of professional sex therapists offer learning seminars. In sexuality, as in life itself, there are many wonderful experiences one can learn to expand the realm of the senses.

Jacqui

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