Dear Jacqui,
About 8 months ago, my husband was away on business. Before he left, our sex life was great. But now whenever we make love his erections come very quickly. I have not had an orgasm in 3 months and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He already feels guilty about it, but his job is so stressful that I don't want to contribute the stress. What can we do to get his stamina back?
Bonnie

Dear Bonnie,
I know this is not an easy time for either of you but...I am confident that with proper diagnosis and a little patience you can resolve the problem together.Most men get erect very quickly and then can maintain the erection for some time. What I suppose happens in your case is that your husband becomes erect quickly and cannot maintain his erection so that you don't have time to reach your high point and come to orgasm.

Women in any case take a longer time to be ready and open to reach their sexual high. That's why many sexologists suggest that partners should engage in extensive foreplay so that the woman is ready for the next chapter in lovemaking, penetration and intercourse.

Many sexologists advocate that the woman should have an orgasm before penetration. Actual intercourse should not happen unless both partners can absolutely not wait any longer before joining together. You may wish to discuss these issues with your husband.

Possibly, if he feels more relaxed about staying power, and you can come to climax without actual intercourse, his sexual activity and enjoyment will return quite naturally. Nobody can perform easily under pressure, and the point of lovemaking is the enjoyment of pleasure not performance.

There are no rules how we should enjoy pleasure and make each other happy. Now, there also is a possibility that there may be a health condition causing certain problems and you want to be sure to rule that out. So, I suggest that your husband have a thorough check-up.

Furthermore, from what you tell me, he has been under a great deal of stress. It is not at all uncommon that stress causes all kinds of physiological interference, including interference with sexual performance.

So it might be worthwhile for him to see a counselor and discuss these pressures rather than adding guilt to stress. He needs support and understanding and you seem to be a very caring person. But sometimes it is easier for a professional to help him get over these psychological hurdles.

I trust you know that I wish to help you. You can help yourself, and me, by following my suggestions. If cost is an issue, there are free counseling services in many communities, just look in the phone book under "Free Clinic." Hope you'll write me soon with positive news.

Jacqui

Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.