Dear Jacqui,
All my life I have experienced vaginal dryness. When I am aroused, and I love being intimate, I produce nothing at all along the lines of moisture in the vaginal area. Sometimes my lover has felt insecure about his female arousing abilities because of my lack of female lubrication, I have been accused of faking orgasms, and at times made to feel less sexy. I'm worried that my future husband will find out about this problem and that he may consider me less than sexy. What do you think is the reason for my dryness? Betty

Dear Betty,
I believe you have a good attitude about sexuality and I am quite sure your "dryness" problems can be handled. You should read my section on vaginal dryness, click on Painful Sex, on my website. It explains all the possible reasons dryness may occur. Have you had your hormone levels checked? Have you had any eating disorders? I would recommend that you get a thorough check-up. Continuous vaginal dryness may indicate a health condition, which may not have been identified.

Now, quite apart from your physical condition let's talk a moment about your anxieties. Yes, men are aroused when they feel that they can satisfy a woman. But what does that mean? It is different from woman to woman. Only about 35% of all women reach vaginal orgasm. Many prefer clitoral orgasm brought about by oral or manual stimulation. The point of intimacy is to give each other pleasure.

If people love each other they should be free to talk about what pleases them and show each other precisely how they want to be touched or kissed or stroked to reach pleasure. If your husband to be truly cares about you he will welcome an open discussion about you and your innermost wishes and you should both share what makes you really happy in bed and out.

And, it should absolutely include a discussion of your "little dryness problem". Millions of women have it and enjoy full and exciting sexual lives. I suggest you try an intimate moisturizer that is FDA tested for safety and is more protective of your tissue, rather than a lubricant. You may wish to try the Very Private Intimate Moisture, which you can find on our website.

It is very natural and bonds with a woman's own moisture no matter how little she has and then expands it. I also think it might be a good idea, as you suggest, to talk these issues out with a therapist. It can help you clarify many feelings that seem unresolved. I hope you can resolve these problems so that you can enter your marriage with confidence and love.

Jacqui

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