Dear Jacqui,
Like all my buddies who were solo during college, I used to date a lot of girls. It was great fun but eventually it got a little out of control so I narrowed down the playing field and focused on just two girls I really liked. I've been dating both for nearly a year. Now I'm getting real pressure from each one. One wants to get married and the other wants to move in. What's worse, I think I have fallen in love with the both of them, and I don't really want to lose either one. That's the last thing I ever expected to happen. I've never had this kind of conflict and I don't seem to be able to resolve it. Please help! Stuart

Dear Stuart,
A suave French friend of mine says the true test for a man to know how he feels about a woman is to take her on an island for three weeks, a place without TV, phones or laptops and no access to major diversions. Then see how you get along. It's an interesting idea though not too practical. I actually think your conflict is of a different nature. I believe you have two women in your life because you are not ready to make a deeper commitment to a single person at this time. There's safety in numbers and keeping two women involved with you, yet at a safe distance, is what you have and what feels comfortable.

There is nothing wrong with not being ready for a new lifetime commitment. But you owe it to yourself and most definitely your partners to deal with the issue with honesty and integrity. When you do, I suspect the "triangle" issue will solve itself.

Jacqui (top)


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Q & A: Get personal answers about your physical or emotional intimacy and relationship problems. By submitting your question or letter, or by reading or using the Very Private web site, you grant Very Private full complete rights to its use and contents and agree and approve to the Terms and Conditions. (more radio show links at end of article) "One wants to get married, the other wants to move in." Very Private Radio Show March 20, 2002 Dear Jacqui, Like all my buddies who were solo during college, I used to date a lot of girls. It was great fun but eventually it got a little out of control so I narrowed down the playing field and focused on just two girls I really liked. I've been dating both for nearly a year. Now I'm getting real pressure from each one. One wants to get married and the other wants to move in. What's worse, I think I have fallen in love with the both of them, and I don't really want to lose either one. That's the last thing I ever expected to happen. I've never had this kind of conflict and I don't seem to be able to resolve it. Please help! Stuart Dear Stuart, A suave French friend of mine says the true test for a man to know how he feels about a woman is to take her on an island for three weeks, a place without TV, phones or laptops and no access to major diversions. Then see how you get along. It's an interesting idea though not too practical. I actually think your conflict is of a different nature. I believe you have two women in your life because you are not ready to make a deeper commitment to a single person at this time. There's safety in numbers and keeping two women involved with you, yet at a safe distance, is what you have and what feels comfortable. There is nothing wrong with not being ready for a new lifetime commitment. But you owe it to yourself and most definitely your partners to deal with the issue with honesty and integrity. When you do, I suspect the "triangle" issue will solve itself. Jacqui (top) MORE RADIO SHOWS BACK TO RADIO SHOW HOME PAGE Thank you for your trust. Copyright 2002 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.