Dear Jacqui:
Our problem is that we've been feeling listless and glum even though there is nothing really wrong with our life. Neither of us is miserable. We're just not happy. My husband and I are living under the same roof, but we are not really in each other's lives. Our conversations are polite but meaningless. Our lovemaking is mechanical, almost a chore. We don't want to split. We desperately want this New Year to be different. What can we do? Lois and Fred.

Dear Lois and Fred:
Bravo for having taken the first step; realizing that you need to take action in order to change your lives. Nobody can do it for you. Here's a program that works in helping you to recapture happiness on one condition; you have to want it to work.

Week one: Say yes to change:

Not dramatic changes, just little steps. The first change requires daily communication. Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day for just talking. Delete hurtful silence and polite conversations from your life. Be real. Express how you feel. Avoid accusations; instead seek ways to become closer. Agree to let go of one negative habit each week, one yours, and one his. Help and reinforce each other. Change doesn't always come easy; it can feel strange or uncomfortable. Review and acknowledge the progress you're making during your daily conversations. You've committed to the happiness contract. Each day it's up to you to achieve your objective.

Week two: Refreshing your relationship requires re-inventing yourself:

Take a good look at yourself. What are the things you really like about yourself? Make a list. Then inventory the negative stuff, the habits that hinder you from enjoying your life. We all know our unappealing habits; pulling the silent treatment to punish a partner, avoiding sensitive issues till we trip over them, talking through the head instead of our heart, letting doubt jeopardize achieving our goals; the list of actions that can sabotage us is long indeed. But we don't need to enact it. Focusing on positive actions results in positive feeling. Recognize that you are in control of what you do, moment by moment. You can modulate your behavior, change it or drop bad habits. Once you write down your "like and dislike" columns, you'll be amazed how this knowledge can help you re-invent yourself.

Week three: Embrace the positive.

View your life with a positive attitude. Let go of all the negatives you've been dwelling on. Visualize a big basket. Then simply dump them as you do other unnecessary accumulations, like old files. By changing your focus you suddenly recognize how many things are right with your life; your partner, your friends, interesting work or hobbies. Share the good stuff with your partner, especially the characteristics that are lovable about each other. Positive affirmation is like an emotional chocolate, a wonderful upper we all appreciate, without the calories.

Week four: Break the habits, add a little spice.

Make love in different places or unexpected times. Good loving is being able to give and take. Learn how to please each other. Be forthright about your sexual preferences and revealing about your fantasies. Knowledege about your partner is fundamental to making each other happy. Read a sexy book together. Watch a video to expand your realm of the senses. Ho-hum patterns can be broken if you agree that everthing is open for review; how you spend an evening, a vacation or the time of making love. Daily hugging before you get out of bed increases the intimacy factor.

It's a perfect way to make each other feel cherished at the start of the day. If you have committed to the "happiness contract" and enacted the program, you will have discovered by week four that the joy of life blossoms when you learn to make yourself as well as each other happy. This New Year can truly be differentl filled with love and happines if you are willing to see yourself and your loved one in a new light.

Jacqui (top)


The Very Private Moments Radio Show. Dating, Love, & Relationships If you can't find an answer to your specific question, please feel free to e-mail us at: info@veryprivate.com, thank you.

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		"Love is not about needing, it's about desire" Jacqui

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Q & A: Get personal answers about your physical or emotional intimacy and relationship problems. By submitting your question or letter, or by reading or using the Very Private web site, you grant Very Private full complete rights to its use and contents and agree and approve to the Terms and Conditions. (more radio show links at end of article) "Sign Here for a Happier Life" Very Private Radio Show January 2, 2002 Dear Jacqui: Our problem is that we've been feeling listless and glum even though there is nothing really wrong with our life. Neither of us is miserable. We're just not happy. My husband and I are living under the same roof, but we are not really in each other's lives. Our conversations are polite but meaningless. Our lovemaking is mechanical, almost a chore. We don't want to split. We desperately want this New Year to be different. What can we do? Lois and Fred. Dear Lois and Fred: Bravo for having taken the first step; realizing that you need to take action in order to change your lives. Nobody can do it for you. Here's a program that works in helping you to recapture happiness on one condition; you have to want it to work. Week one: Say yes to change: Not dramatic changes, just little steps. The first change requires daily communication. Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day for just talking. Delete hurtful silence and polite conversations from your life. Be real. Express how you feel. Avoid accusations; instead seek ways to become closer. Agree to let go of one negative habit each week, one yours, and one his. Help and reinforce each other. Change doesn't always come easy; it can feel strange or uncomfortable. Review and acknowledge the progress you're making during your daily conversations. You've committed to the happiness contract. Each day it's up to you to achieve your objective. Week two: Refreshing your relationship requires re-inventing yourself: Take a good look at yourself. What are the things you really like about yourself? Make a list. Then inventory the negative stuff, the habits that hinder you from enjoying your life. We all know our unappealing habits; pulling the silent treatment to punish a partner, avoiding sensitive issues till we trip over them, talking through the head instead of our heart, letting doubt jeopardize achieving our goals; the list of actions that can sabotage us is long indeed. But we don't need to enact it. Focusing on positive actions results in positive feeling. Recognize that you are in control of what you do, moment by moment. You can modulate your behavior, change it or drop bad habits. Once you write down your "like and dislike" columns, you'll be amazed how this knowledge can help you re-invent yourself. Week three: Embrace the positive. View your life with a positive attitude. Let go of all the negatives you've been dwelling on. Visualize a big basket. Then simply dump them as you do other unnecessary accumulations, like old files. By changing your focus you suddenly recognize how many things are right with your life; your partner, your friends, interesting work or hobbies. Share the good stuff with your partner, especially the characteristics that are lovable about each other. Positive affirmation is like an emotional chocolate, a wonderful upper we all appreciate, without the calories. Week four: Break the habits, add a little spice. Make love in different places or unexpected times. Good loving is being able to give and take. Learn how to please each other. Be forthright about your sexual preferences and revealing about your fantasies. Knowledege about your partner is fundamental to making each other happy. Read a sexy book together. Watch a video to expand your realm of the senses. Ho-hum patterns can be broken if you agree that everthing is open for review; how you spend an evening, a vacation or the time of making love. Daily hugging before you get out of bed increases the intimacy factor. It's a perfect way to make each other feel cherished at the start of the day. If you have committed to the "happiness contract" and enacted the program, you will have discovered by week four that the joy of life blossoms when you learn to make yourself as well as each other happy. This New Year can truly be differentl filled with love and happines if you are willing to see yourself and your loved one in a new light. Jacqui (top) MORE RADIO SHOWS BACK TO RADIO SHOW HOME PAGE Thank you for your trust. Copyright 2002 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.