Dear Jacqui,
Hi. I'm concerned about my endurance and performance, especially lasting a bit longer. My relationship is new and I don't want to let her down. Is there anything that could help my performance?
Joey

Dear Joey,
Lovemaking is more than about size or performance. There is a whole realm of intimate, wonderful experiences in making each other happy.

Penetration is only one step in the wonderful process of lovemaking. Once the pressure is off you will learn to experience and enjoy intimacy in a more total way, your problem may just take care of itself. I assume the subject you are discussing is how to maintain an erection especially when starting a new relationship. It is quite common for men and women to have some degree of "performance anxiety" when becoming involved with a new partner. In men this fear factor can cause loss of erection. In a woman it can trigger not being able to become lubricated (wet) or being too tense to enjoy sexual fulfillment. In each case we are dealing with psychological pressures rather than a physiological problem.

Now, how do you solve it? When a new relationships moves from the "talking and getting to know you stage" to the physical phase it is a good idea to have a long, caring and detailed discussion about all aspects of sexuality. Find out about each other, specifically about each other likes and dislikes as far as sexual matters are concerned. You can't be too specific. Ask her, how does she like to be touched and where, or kissed, or stroked. Share with her what turns you on. The more you know about each other, the easier it is to enjoy the pleasures of the bedroom together. Often the cause of the problem isn't physiological but psychological. There is so much pressure on men to "perform" and "stay hard" which is often the reason they can't do it. I have suggested to many men to forget about that particular aspect of intimacy.

Take your attention off the act of "intercourse". Learn some skills on how to pleasure a woman, how to make your wife feel wonderful with other sexual techniques. I guarantee you, if you are successful in giving her pleasure she doesn't mind if intercourse last for a short time only. If you still need some help there are prescription drugs like "Viagra" and others that you may find on the net under "erectile dysfunction".

There are also a number of "vitamin" formulas available, which supposedly are helpful in increasing libido and helping in maintaining erection. But since the FDA does not regulate vitamins and nutrients and there is no hard data available I must refrain from making suggestion on the subject.

Jacqui (top)


The Very Private Moments Radio Show. Dating, Love, & Relationships If you can't find an answer to your specific question, please feel free to e-mail us at: info@veryprivate.com, thank you.

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Q & A: Get personal answers about your physical or emotional intimacy and relationship problems. By submitting your question or letter, or by reading or using the Very Private web site, you grant Very Private full complete rights to its use and contents and agree and approve to the Terms and Conditions. (more radio show links at end of article) "Men & Intimacy: Is it about Size and Performance?" Very Private Radio Show April 3, 2002 Dear Jacqui, Hi. I'm concerned about my endurance and performance, especially lasting a bit longer. My relationship is new and I don't want to let her down. Is there anything that could help my performance? Joey Dear Joey, Lovemaking is more than about size or performance. There is a whole realm of intimate, wonderful experiences in making each other happy. Penetration is only one step in the wonderful process of lovemaking. Once the pressure is off you will learn to experience and enjoy intimacy in a more total way, your problem may just take care of itself. I assume the subject you are discussing is how to maintain an erection especially when starting a new relationship. It is quite common for men and women to have some degree of "performance anxiety" when becoming involved with a new partner. In men this fear factor can cause loss of erection. In a woman it can trigger not being able to become lubricated (wet) or being too tense to enjoy sexual fulfillment. In each case we are dealing with psychological pressures rather than a physiological problem. Now, how do you solve it? When a new relationships moves from the "talking and getting to know you stage" to the physical phase it is a good idea to have a long, caring and detailed discussion about all aspects of sexuality. Find out about each other, specifically about each other likes and dislikes as far as sexual matters are concerned. You can't be too specific. Ask her, how does she like to be touched and where, or kissed, or stroked. Share with her what turns you on. The more you know about each other, the easier it is to enjoy the pleasures of the bedroom together. Often the cause of the problem isn't physiological but psychological. There is so much pressure on men to "perform" and "stay hard" which is often the reason they can't do it. I have suggested to many men to forget about that particular aspect of intimacy. Take your attention off the act of "intercourse". Learn some skills on how to pleasure a woman, how to make your wife feel wonderful with other sexual techniques. I guarantee you, if you are successful in giving her pleasure she doesn't mind if intercourse last for a short time only. If you still need some help there are prescription drugs like "Viagra" and others that you may find on the net under "erectile dysfunction". There are also a number of "vitamin" formulas available, which supposedly are helpful in increasing libido and helping in maintaining erection. But since the FDA does not regulate vitamins and nutrients and there is no hard data available I must refrain from making suggestion on the subject. Jacqui (top) MORE RADIO SHOWS BACK TO RADIO SHOW HOME PAGE Thank you for your trust. Copyright 2002 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.