Dear Jacqui:
I have been going out quite a few times with man that I like enormously. He always looks neat, his clothes are freshly pressed, he seems to wash his hair daily but there is this hurdle, and it’s bigger than me. He has a serious odor problem. He is not sloppy, his teeth are always shiny white. His hands and fingernails are clean and well groomed. I just don’t understand where this odor is coming from. I’m not even sure is it his breath or is it body odor? The moment we are close the “smell” is too much, a real turn-off, and I automatically pull away. It is so upsetting because I could really fall for this man. In fact, I have a little already and see real potential for this relationship. How can I approach this subject without offending him or chase him away?

Dear Annemarie:

If you really care about him, you must learn to approach even the most sensitive subjects with your potential partner. If you simply repress sticky issues you cheat yourself and him. Nothing good can come when partners are not honest with each other about their true feelings. Eventually there is hell to pay. Or, if you lack the courage to do so and opt to drop the relationship, you may hurt both of you and your chance for potential happiness.
Clear and continuous communication is the only basis of a good relationship, and that means dealing with pleasant as well as touchy subjects.

There is a good possibility that your friend may have a medical problem. Often stomach or gum problems can cause a strong and almost continuous odor. You should also know that men and woman often exude a different odor during intimacy. Women specifically suffer from more pervasive odor problems during ovulation days and during menopause. So there are many things causing unpleasant odor, even things we eat.
Think about the following approach when bridging the issue.
Suggest a leisurely walk some evening. The great outdoors will definitely make the odor issue less offensive. While you gander side by side, it may be easier for him to hear you rather than facing you eye to eye while discussing this sensitive subject. You might preamble the conversation by talking about your good feelings for him. Admit that you care about him and would enjoy exploring this relationship further. Share some important information about you such as telling him that put great importance on both partners being truly open and forthcoming with each other and sharing your feelings in a real way, even those issues that might take courage to reveal. Resolving more sensitive problems correctly ends up strengthening a relationship and building intimacy between you. After you made your point of view clear, find out if he is in agreement with you or has different views. Let him participate in laying the groundwork for communication between you. Then admit that there is a little subject that’s concerning you and that you would like to approach. Admit that you’ve noticed a rather strong odor and that you are concerned it could be a medical problem because you realize it is not at all a lack of good hygiene on his part. Tell him that you appreciate how neat and attractive he always looks and that he seems to take great care in his appearance. Explain to him that you don’t want this little odor problem to interfere with your relationship and that’s why you bring it up.
Two things may happen. If he is truly caring about you and wants this relationship to go further, he will find a way to examine and solve the problem. If he clams up and feels offended or turned off, well then you have just learned a lot about him. Maybe, after all, he is not the man he seems to be. If you can’t get yourself to broach the issue, well then it becomes your problem, not his. Sooner or later, you will need to face your fears. Problems that are swept under the carpet in the beginning have a way to tripping you up later. In the end telling the truth is the only way, even at the risk of losing someone you care about. Odor problems can be remedied. Emotional flaws take more resolve to admit and reverse.
Jacqui

E-mail Jacqui your question: info@veryprivate.com or by regular mail to: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2004 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.


	Newspaper Column: September, 2004

	For a happier, more intimate relationship.
	"How can I tell him about his ODOR problem and not offend him?" Dear Jacqui: I have been going out quite a few times with man that I like enormously. He always looks neat, his clothes are freshly pressed, he seems to wash his hair daily but there is this hurdle, and it’s bigger than me. He has a serious odor problem. He is not sloppy, his teeth are always shiny white. His hands and fingernails are clean and well groomed. I just don’t understand where this odor is coming from. I’m not even sure is it his breath or is it body odor? The moment we are close the “smell” is too much, a real turn-off, and I automatically pull away. It is so upsetting because I could really fall for this man. In fact, I have a little already and see real potential for this relationship. How can I approach this subject without offending him or chase him away? Dear Annemarie: If you really care about him, you must learn to approach even the most sensitive subjects with your potential partner. If you simply repress sticky issues you cheat yourself and him. Nothing good can come when partners are not honest with each other about their true feelings. Eventually there is hell to pay. Or, if you lack the courage to do so and opt to drop the relationship, you may hurt both of you and your chance for potential happiness. Clear and continuous communication is the only basis of a good relationship, and that means dealing with pleasant as well as touchy subjects. There is a good possibility that your friend may have a medical problem. Often stomach or gum problems can cause a strong and almost continuous odor. You should also know that men and woman often exude a different odor during intimacy. Women specifically suffer from more pervasive odor problems during ovulation days and during menopause. So there are many things causing unpleasant odor, even things we eat. Think about the following approach when bridging the issue. Suggest a leisurely walk some evening. The great outdoors will definitely make the odor issue less offensive. While you gander side by side, it may be easier for him to hear you rather than facing you eye to eye while discussing this sensitive subject. You might preamble the conversation by talking about your good feelings for him. Admit that you care about him and would enjoy exploring this relationship further. Share some important information about you such as telling him that put great importance on both partners being truly open and forthcoming with each other and sharing your feelings in a real way, even those issues that might take courage to reveal. Resolving more sensitive problems correctly ends up strengthening a relationship and building intimacy between you. After you made your point of view clear, find out if he is in agreement with you or has different views. Let him participate in laying the groundwork for communication between you. Then admit that there is a little subject that’s concerning you and that you would like to approach. Admit that you’ve noticed a rather strong odor and that you are concerned it could be a medical problem because you realize it is not at all a lack of good hygiene on his part. Tell him that you appreciate how neat and attractive he always looks and that he seems to take great care in his appearance. Explain to him that you don’t want this little odor problem to interfere with your relationship and that’s why you bring it up. Two things may happen. If he is truly caring about you and wants this relationship to go further, he will find a way to examine and solve the problem. If he clams up and feels offended or turned off, well then you have just learned a lot about him. Maybe, after all, he is not the man he seems to be. If you can’t get yourself to broach the issue, well then it becomes your problem, not his. Sooner or later, you will need to face your fears. Problems that are swept under the carpet in the beginning have a way to tripping you up later. In the end telling the truth is the only way, even at the risk of losing someone you care about. Odor problems can be remedied. Emotional flaws take more resolve to admit and reverse. Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question: info@veryprivate.com or by regular mail to: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2004 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.					List of Newspapers Presenting Column Reaching over 8.9 Million Readers

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