into positive energy"
Lately I've received many letters expressing fear:
Dear Jacqui:
"I'm ready to make a life commitment to my girlfriend but I'm afraid to find out if she really loves me. So I'm constantly in torment, Robert."
"I'm afraid to tell my partner that I have never been sexually satisfied. We love each other deeply. But many nights I fall asleep and cry, Jenny"
"My wife and I have become like strangers. I hardly feel married anymore. Divorce frightens me. I don't want it but it seems inevitable," Walter.
Fear feeds on fear. By keeping our fears inside they become more disturbing. The only way to stop the emotional torment is to confront our fears before they undermine our lives.The first step is to ask, "what is the worst that could happen by expressing the feelings that cause my fears?"
What could happen to Robert who fears to ask the woman he loves for a commitment? She may tell him that she's not ready for marriage or that she is unsure of her feelings and needs more time. Whatever her answer, to know the truth puts Robert in a position to take charge of his life again and make choices, going forward instead of being paralyzed by fear.
What about Jenny who's never been sexually gratified? Has she so little confidence in her husband's love and understanding? The very act of admitting her unhappiness opens the door for building trust and greater intimacy between them.
Solving problems, including sexual problems, together often is an enriching experience for both partners. Keeping feelings of disappointment inside will eventually erode even the strongest love.
To Walter who is estranged from his wife, I would say divorce is inevitable unless both partners agree to confront their fears and start building a bridge to each other.
Don't regurgitate the negatives that have accumulated. Don't look to winning arguments. Winning doesn't work in a healthy relationship. Constructing a new life together does. Co-create a list "how to being loving to each other". Read your program daily. Hug and kiss each morning and night. Feel your connection.
Fear is negative energy. The best antidote to free ourselves of negativity is being productive in our lives, being loving and supportive starting with the people closest to us. That's how we can turn negative fear into positive energy of love.
Jacqui
E-mail Jacqui your question to Jacqui at info@veryprivate.com or regular mail: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2003 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.
Presenting Column
Reaching over
8.9 Million Readers
June
2004
What
is intimacy?
May
2004
Chemistry?
April
2004
She
just kept spending and i didn't put my foot down
March
2004
What
men would like you to know but don't dare talk about
February
2004
Overcoming
the fear of loving?
January
2004
Age
difference - can it work?
December
2003
The
fifteen minutes love investment plan
July
2003
The
fifteen minutes love investment plan
June
2003
Falling
in love - the unconscious did it
May
2003
Couples
and Intimacy - the Basics!
April
2003
43%
of American women are sexually dysfunctional? Hype or Reality?
March
2003
How
to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50,because of divorce or
widowhood?
February
2003
When
"if'" onlys stands in the way of love.
January
2003
The
Knight to solve your relationship problems is in your heart.
December
2002
How
Can I get him to act?
November
2002
Winning
against yourself
October
2002
Recapture
health & energy
September
2002
I'm
terrified of getting hurt again
August
2002
Low self-esteem, is there a way I can change?
July
2002
Stop the hurting and start the loving
June
2002
The
Cat or Me?
May
2002
A female co-worker is edging in on our marriage
April
2002
He lost his job and takes it out on me.
March
2002
Turf issues: Old friends vs. a new partner.
February
2002:
If I say yes, does it mean I settle for money?
January
2002
Sign here for a happier life.
December
2001
Give each other the gift of good communication.
November
2001
Turning negative fear into positive energy.
October
2001
What's essential to make a relationship work?
September
2001
My husband say's UV rays can cause considerable eye damage.
August
2001
His jealousy is causing a lot of tension and I'm very concerned about
losing him.
July
2001
How to put romance into your vacation.
June
2001
Ten
good minutes daily equals a closer relationship.
May
2001
My
wife's doctor never mentioned the risks in taking estrogen!
April
2001
I
can't keep up and he feels cheated. Shouldn't a 64 year old male be
slowing down?
March
2001
He admitted he still loved his ex, but wasn't "in love" with
her.
February
2001
Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating.
January
2001
Lack of staying power can it be helped?
December
2000
A Holiday Gift: Less Stress, More Joy.
October
1999
I'm fifty-six years old and still suffer from minor menopause symptoms.