Men often share their secrets about sex and daily living with me. They write that they never discuss these issues with their wives or girlfriends. Of course, I always nudge them to do otherwise and share with their partners. Open communication is essential to really knowing and understanding your partner and the basis of a good relationship. Today let’s share five basic concerns men have that they tend to keep secret:

1) Most men would like to have oral sex more often, in fact, they would like it daily. They are very willing to reciprocate or learn what it is that sends you to the moon and back. So tell them. Many men express the desire for their partner to take a more active role sexually. Surprise them by being more of a seductress, be the initiator more often rather than the follower. And, what is most important to them is to feel that you are really there, fully participating and enjoying the experience.

2) Husbands, boyfriends or even brand new lovers are nervous about going away for an extended time together. That can mean a long weekend, or an extended vacation. Most partners, married or not, are usually not together all the time. Consequently men worry how they are going to handle 24/7 togetherness. When you plan a trip discuss ahead of time what activities you both enjoy. Don’t cram the schedule, leave ample time to just let things happen. This often produces the sweetest moments of all. Finally, build in individual time so you can both pursue your individual fancies.

3) Yes, even the best, most truthful husband or boyfriend likes to peak at a centerfold here and then. They don’t think “porn” is disgusting. They think it’s fun and….harmless. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with the fact that they enjoy fantasizing occasionally by looking at bawdy stuff and stimulate their appetite outside, as long as they come home for dinner.

4) No matter how much a guy protests that he is totally emancipated, if his wife or significant other suddenly becomes more successful than he is, he may not say so but in many cases this is hard for him to swallow. Many men feel threatened and emotionally impaired. If it happens in your relationship, handle it with grace. Don’t brag about it, don’t let the entire neighborhood know. In the contrary, try to support him and let him know how important he is in your life and that you are a wonderful team.

5) Why is it harder for men to say ‘I love you’? These simple three words have a lot of meaning to men. They imply a great deal more than ‘I love you’ which is why men fear using them. Many men are terrorized that when they say the magical three words they might be rejected. They want to be 100% sure that their admission of love will be welcomed and reciprocated. Men also believe that the three love words have a specific meaning beyond describing a state of feeling, that they imply a promise and a commitment to a future; to be there for you and come through for you. Men want to keep their promises – it goes against their grain and hurts their self-image to do otherwise. So naturally they are more cautious about using the potent love words until they are very sure where they are headed.

Jacqui

June 2001
Ten good minutes daily equals a closer relationship.

May 2001
My wife's doctor never mentioned the risks in taking estrogen!

April 2001
I can't keep up and he feels cheated. Shouldn't a 64 year old male be slowing down?

March 2001
He admitted he still loved his ex, but wasn't "in love" with her.

February 2001
Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating.

January 2001
Lack of staying power can it be helped?

December 2000
A Holiday Gift: Less Stress, More Joy.

October 1999
I'm fifty-six years old and still suffer from minor menopause symptoms.