Dear Jacqui,
I've been divorced several years and recently met a lady much younger than me. It worries neither of us. Ally is forty-five and was never married. We have a lot in common and love each other's company. Recently she invited me to dinner and made it clear that I would be welcome to spend the night. I had met her roommate, the cat, previously and knew that her pet was important to her. I'm not crazy about cats especially since I'm allergic to them.

However, I was willing to make an effort and took an allergy pill with me. Ally had set a beautiful table and cooked a great dinner. But right from the beginning the cat sat on the table and proceeded to nibble off Ally's plate. Frankly, that turned me off but I bit my tongue and swallowed my allergy pill.

When we withdrew to the bedroom the cat got right into the action. I suggested we send her outside the bedroom but Ally objected. "Oh no, this would totally frustrate her". It was impossible for me to enjoy the experience; the cat kept interfering. The next morning Ally told me how happy she was that the cat and I had bonded. Oops! I'm taken with the lady but not her cat. Is there a possible solution here? Wally

Dear Wally,
There is a reason Ally has never been married. Her cat is clearly her true love. Many couples or singles adore animals. But when two people are involved and living with a pet both partners have to establish the boundaries concerning their pet.

Friends of mine have two terriers; they jump into bed with them all the time. But when it comes to romance the two critters are left outside. Ally should not assume that you feel the same way about her cat as she does. Many people would find it unacceptable to let a pet eat from their plates or include it while making love.

You need to broach the subject with Ally now in a caring way. Tell her how you honestly feel, how taken you are with her and that the relationship offers great promise. But also let her know of your concerns and the fact that you are allergic to cats.

Explain how bothered you were when she shared her plate with her pet. Admit that you could not enjoy lovemaking because the cat kept interfering. Suggest for her to think it all before responding. The ball is in her court. She must come to terms with what and who is important in her life. She must question what her pet's role is in her life or should be? Her answers you will give you clarity as to your choices. And that's the cat's meow!

Jacqui

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