For a happier, more intimate relationship.

Their first date was a definite success. A few weeks and several encounters later the inevitable question arose, “where does this lead and shall we go to the next step including intimacy?”

There is hardly ever a situation where both partners feel exactly the same. More often than not if the woman the yes signals going as things develop, she is the one looking for commitment signals first. But not in all cases. Many men that had a happy marriage and lost their partners are inclined to try it again. Moreover, fundamental attitudes are changing. The US Census Bureau reports that 10% more couples are living together unmarried than in the l960s. Newly single women that were or are involved in a career clearly have more economic choices and are more skeptical about commitment. Splitting and trying again has become far more acceptable, even for couples married longer than 30 years, the divorce rate is up 16% since l980. The question that begs is obvious. Over 50, what’s more important, chemistry or companionship to build a successful relationship? Does the fact that we are a bit wiser and hormonally a little calmer make a difference? Here is what our couple is thinking:

His thoughts: “I was totally taken with her the moment we met. She is beautiful, alive and a very caring woman. I’ve dated for a few years since my wife died, and she is the only one that awakened my hormones and makes me fee alive and desirous again. I could not move forward with any of the other women because I didn’t have chemistry. Of course, I am also impressed with the exciting and wonderful life she created for herself. My concerns? I’ve noticed that she is a little shy at my advances. I wonder if she reciprocates my feelings or thinks I am too old for her? I guess she is at least ten years younger. I ask myself if I could ever be her priority. I like to have a woman around. Is she a cuddle partner? She seems so busy all the time?”

Her thoughts: "He is that rare wonderful man who really knows how to cherish a woman. He has good values, is attractive and I like his sense of humor and love how open he is, how he shows his feelings. And yet, why does that make me shy away? Is it too sudden? Do I need more time? My head tells me that he is a wonderful choice yet….my heart seems to sit on the side lines. Is it the fact that he is semi-retired and I’m still fully in life? I’ve noticed that he is not very active, I work out regularly, swim, ski, take long walks. That’s essential for me. I’m health conscious – he’s not. I know he’s loyal and would make a really good companion – but are we companionable? Do we have enough in common? I really like him but could I love him? Would all these arguments vanish if I would feel head over heels?"

My view: In the end, it’s always a matter of the heart that should be the deciding but not only factor. I agree with most psychiatrist that shared values, common beliefs and lifestyles are the prerequisite for building a viable relationship. If the attraction is magnetic but little else binds the two partners, it’s probably infatuation and not the basis for a lasting love. But if there’s no chemistry at all, one of the magical ingredients is clearly missing. So the trick, it seems, is getting the mix right.

Jacqui

E-mail Jacqui your question to Jacqui at info@veryprivate.com. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2007 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.

Resources to Help with elderly parents

July 2007
"Coupling After 50 - Is Companionship Enough?"

June 2007
"Revitalizing Sexual Desire At Any Age."

May 2007
"The Dreaded Mammogram Could Be Your Greatest Gift"

April 2007
"Go with the Heart!"

October 2004
"Chemistry or Friendship - what's more important to start a relationship?"

September 2004
"How can I tell him about his ODOR problem and not offend him?"

August 2004
"Four Secrets That Make For Happiness!"

July 2004
"He pressures me to have sex but I'm not ready. What do I do?"

June 2004
What is Intimacy?

May 2004
Chemistry?

April 2004
She just kept spending and i didn't put my foot down

March 2004
What men would like you to know but don't dare talk about

February 2004
Overcoming the fear of loving?

January 2004
Age difference - can it work?

December 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

July 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

June 2003
Falling in love - the unconscious did it

May 2003
Couples and Intimacy - the Basics!

April 2003
43% of American women are sexually dysfunctional? Hype or Reality?

March 2003
How to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50,because of divorce or widowhood?

February 2003
When "if' only's" stand in the way of love.

January 2003
The Knight to solve your relationship problems is in your heart.

December 2002
How Can I get him to act?

November 2002
Winning against yourself

October 2002
Recapture health & energy

September 2002
I'm terrified of getting hurt again

August 2002
Low self-esteem, is there a way I can change?

July 2002
Stop the hurting and start the loving

June 2002
The Cat or Me?

May 2002
A female co-worker is edging in on our marriage

April 2002
He lost his job and takes it out on me.

March 2002
Turf issues: Old friends vs. a new partner.

February 2002:
If I say yes, does it mean I settle for money?

January 2002
Sign here for a happier life.

December 2001
Give each other the gift of good communication.

November 2001
Turning negative fear into positive energy.

October 2001
What's essential to make a relationship work?

September 2001
My husband say's UV rays can cause considerable eye damage.

August 2001
His jealousy is causing a lot of tension and I'm very concerned about losing him.

July 2001
How to put romance into your vacation.