Dear Jacqui,
I am a married man and I went to my doctor this morning to talk to him about premature ejaculation. He recommended getting on the Internet and finding a desensitizing cream. Do you folks know if that works or what else I can do?
Art.

Dear Art,
First let me address your specific question. Every one of our medical advisors rejects desensitizing creams. That doesn't mean that you cannot be helped.

Many men, at any age, suffer from "lack of staying power." The problem can be psychologically based or caused by a physical health condition. In each case effective treatment depends on correct medical evaluation.There are a number of prescription drugs and non-drug remedies available to help correct erection problems. These medications are either taken orally or can be injected.

Drugs such as "Viagra" require a doctor's prescription because they pose significant health risks. While they are effective in producing the desired erection, they work for a specific length of time which the user cannot regulate.Vitamin or nutrients claiming to increase "sexual strength" can be purchased over- the- counter or the Internet. The difficulty is in sorting out which brands are really effective.

Over-the-counter remedies are not governed by strict FDA standards or specifications. It is my experience that many of the claims attributed to these products may be questionable. On the plus side, several of our readers have reported success using "sex enhancing" vitamins and/or nutrients.

Often, however, the cause for premature ejaculation or lack of staying power is psychologically based and may require counseling. There is so much pressure on men to perform and stay hard, it is quite natural that both men and women are having difficulty in performing under stress.

Sex is about pleasure, not performance ratings. It is about feeling and enjoying the experience, moment by moment. I have counseled many men and women not to focus on a single aspect of lovemaking. Take the attention off the act of "intercourse".

Learn some skills on how to pleasure a woman. Ask her what she likes, how she would love to be touched or kissed or stroked, where and how long. Let her guide you; show you, just as you reveal to her what it is that feels wonderful to you. In sexuality you can't be too specific. I guarantee, if you succeed in giving her pleasure she won't mind at all if intercourse lasts for a short time only.

Learn to feel pleasure. Close your eyes. How does it feel when she strokes you, how does it feel when she kisses you, how does it feel when you're united. Let yourself enjoy every wonderful moment. That is where the focus of lovemaking should be for both of you, on enjoyment, not on how long or when to reach orgasm or other technical benchmarks.

Lovemaking is more than a singular act. It's a whole realm of intimate, wonderful expressions in making each other happy. "Staying hard or reaching orgasm at a certain time" is not the defining activity. Enjoying the pleasure of intimacy in a total way may just take care of your problem naturally.

Jacqui

You can mail your own question to Jacqui at: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Or E-mail her at: info@veryprivate.com For more information visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2003 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.