For Stanford researcher Dr. Fred Luskin the ability to forgive is not just a virtue. His data suggest that forgiving can help protect people’s mental and physical health through everything from marriage infidelity to a commonplace hurtful disputes. At the Center for Disease Prevention in Palo Alto, Dr. Luskin is studying how people can move past anger, pain and trauma. And the data is indeed positive.

”The process of forgiveness can be a liberating experience. One that if practiced proactively can lead to a wonderful experience of life.”

I have recently settled a legal case against a local municipality. Their negligence, to which they fully admitted, caused me a spinal fracture requiring a five-hour operation, months of intolerable pain and two years of rehabilitation. As a result, my life has drastically changed. Before the accident I was involved in a product launch that cost me several years of preparation and a great deal of my life’s savings. The project had to be abandoned because I was suddenly immobile for months, unable to work. I will never retrieve the economic loss. My life was “on hold” for two years, and I will never again do many of the sports that were a great joy in my life. Finally, I was responsible to pay thousands of dollars of medical co-payments. To settle the case technically was easy. To settle it within my heart was not. But I always knew one fact: I had choices, to hold on to the grief and the anger, or to let go of it all. It took time to work through my own issues and to opt for forgiveness; forgiving my lawyers for whom I was an unimportant case and they treated me accordingly. Forgiving the opposition who used every dirty trick in trying to beat their responsibility. After all, they spent the city’s dollars, not their own. They simply had a job to do and that was getting away without paying retribution. I was left with holding the basket; trying desperately to retrieve my health and a normalcy of life, working through my feelings of anger and being deeply wronged. When I opted for forgiveness I had to forgive myself, forgive my opponents and forgive life. Fairness had no place in this picture. As soon as I accepted my inner decision I felt a sense of liberation. Each day was again filled with joy and the beauty of life.

The season for forgiveness is upon us. Maybe it is your opportunity for offering the gift of forgiveness. What is it that you harbor in your heart? What hurt and pain and anger weighs you down? You cannot love freely if you hold grudges. You cannot enjoy who you are, how you feel going through every day if the fabric of your soul isn’t cleared of negativity; anger, rage and blame. No matter what effort you make to repress these negative emotions, it doesn’t feel good and you know it. Isn’t it time to free the inner spaces of your being. Let go of all this hurtful emotional debris. The choice to let go is entirely yours. It is your option, your gift you give yourself. Forgiveness, making peace can be a life changing offering to you and the one(s) that you feel have hurt you, pained or offended you. This gift cannot be bought for any money in any store. Yet it may be the most precious of all to give and to get; it lets you retrieve the joy and love in your life.
A new book by Dr. Luskin “Forgive For Good” has just been published and is available at all book stores.

Jacqui

June 2001
Ten good minutes daily equals a closer relationship.

May 2001
My wife's doctor never mentioned the risks in taking estrogen!

April 2001
I can't keep up and he feels cheated. Shouldn't a 64 year old male be slowing down?

March 2001
He admitted he still loved his ex, but wasn't "in love" with her.

February 2001
Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating.

January 2001
Lack of staying power can it be helped?

December 2000
A Holiday Gift: Less Stress, More Joy.

October 1999
I'm fifty-six years old and still suffer from minor menopause symptoms.