Newspaper Column: December, 2002

For a happier, more intimate relationship.

"Why can't I get him to act?"

Dear Jacqui,
I've been seeing a man regularly for the past year. We get along great and the chemistry is there - lots of love on both sides. However, I feel growing anger. I've been waiting for him to ask me to live with him or get married. I've been giving him plenty of hints but it's not working. I think he likes it the way it is. don't want to lose him but the stress of waiting really affects my feelings. Why can't I get him to act? How long should I wait?
Rita

Dear Rita,
Hinting won't work. If the two of you are still not able talk openly, especially about your future, there is something fundamentally wrong with this relationship. Both of you have been married before. Both of you must know that no relationship can flourish if the communication between partners is veiled or misleading.

I can understand that you are angry. However, I believe much of your anger is directed at yourself for not having the courage to speak up for yourself and face the consequences. Is there true love between you, as you say? If so, asking your partner to clarify his feelings and future plans will not break the relationship.

In the contrary, clarity is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't ask me, ask yourself, how long do you want to play this charade? Start talking openly and caringly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you are sure about making a lifetime commitment to him. It is quite possible that your man is not as ready as you are and he might have very good reasons to feel that way.

Listen to what he has to say and then decide if you want to work things out together or move on and find another partner. Knowing is better than deferring the truth. Quite possibly he is worried about some issues you can overcome and then move on to the next step. The holidays are approaching quickly. Give each other the gift of honesty and trust. That's what loving is about.

Happy holidays.

Jacqui

E-mail Jacqui your question to Jacqui at info@veryprivate.com or regular mail: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2002 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.

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	Newspaper Column: December, 2002

	For a happier, more intimate relationship.
	"Why can't I get him to act?" Dear Jacqui, I've been seeing a man regularly for the past year. We get along great and the chemistry is there - lots of love on both sides. However, I feel growing anger. I've been waiting for him to ask me to live with him or get married. I've been giving him plenty of hints but it's not working. I think he likes it the way it is. don't want to lose him but the stress of waiting really affects my feelings. Why can't I get him to act? How long should I wait? Rita Dear Rita, Hinting won't work. If the two of you are still not able talk openly, especially about your future, there is something fundamentally wrong with this relationship. Both of you have been married before. Both of you must know that no relationship can flourish if the communication between partners is veiled or misleading. I can understand that you are angry. However, I believe much of your anger is directed at yourself for not having the courage to speak up for yourself and face the consequences. Is there true love between you, as you say? If so, asking your partner to clarify his feelings and future plans will not break the relationship. In the contrary, clarity is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't ask me, ask yourself, how long do you want to play this charade? Start talking openly and caringly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you are sure about making a lifetime commitment to him. It is quite possible that your man is not as ready as you are and he might have very good reasons to feel that way. Listen to what he has to say and then decide if you want to work things out together or move on and find another partner. Knowing is better than deferring the truth. Quite possibly he is worried about some issues you can overcome and then move on to the next step. The holidays are approaching quickly. Give each other the gift of honesty and trust. That's what loving is about. Happy holidays. Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question to Jacqui at info@veryprivate.com or regular mail: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2002 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.					List of Newspapers Presenting Column Reaching over 8.9 Million Readers

						June 2004 What is intimacy? May 2004 Chemistry? April 2004 She just kept spending and i didn't put my foot down March 2004 What men would like you to know but don't dare talk about February 2004 Overcoming the fear of loving? January 2004 Age difference - can it work? December 2003 The fifteen minutes love investment plan July 2003 The fifteen minutes love investment plan June 2003 Falling in love - the unconscious did it May 2003 Couples and Intimacy - the Basics! April 2003 43% of American women are sexually dysfunctional? Hype or Reality? March 2003 How to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50,because of divorce or widowhood? February 2003 When "if'" onlys stands in the way of love. January 2003 The Knight to solve your relationship problems is in your heart. December 2002 How Can I get him to act? November 2002 Winning against yourself October 2002 Recapture health & energy September 2002 I'm terrified of getting hurt again August 2002 Low self-esteem, is there a way I can change? July 2002 Stop the hurting and start the loving June 2002 The Cat or Me? May 2002 A female co-worker is edging in on our marriage April 2002 He lost his job and takes it out on me. March 2002 Turf issues: Old friends vs. a new partner. February 2002: If I say yes, does it mean I settle for money? January 2002 Sign here for a happier life. December 2001 Give each other the gift of good communication. November 2001 Turning negative fear into positive energy. October 2001 What's essential to make a relationship work? September 2001 My husband say's UV rays can cause considerable eye damage. August 2001 His jealousy is causing a lot of tension and I'm very concerned about losing him. July 2001 How to put romance into your vacation. June 2001 Ten good minutes daily equals a closer relationship. May 2001 My wife's doctor never mentioned the risks in taking estrogen! April 2001 I can't keep up and he feels cheated. Shouldn't a 64 year old male be slowing down? March 2001 He admitted he still loved his ex, but wasn't "in love" with her. February 2001 Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating. January 2001 Lack of staying power can it be helped? December 2000 A Holiday Gift: Less Stress, More Joy. October 1999 I'm fifty-six years old and still suffer from minor menopause symptoms.