For a happier, more intimate relationship.

Catherine was a journalist. She lost her husband in her forties and literally avoided serious dating for fifteen years, claiming that nobody she had dated met her expectations. Then, suddenly, she encountered two men, both of whom she liked and dated. She was attracted to each. She duel-tracked till each of her pursuers proposed a committed relationship leading to marriage.

“We had a really good partnership for more than thirteen years,” said Peter about his second marriage, “but it all went awry when my wife went through an endless midlife crisis.” Two years later they were divorced. Now in his sixties, Peter reduced his consulting work, took time out for travel and explored a number of relationships. Enjoying single life for a few years, he admitted to feeling quite lonely at times. That’s when a call from his ex-wife asking for help because of medical problems occurred. Since they had remained friends, he responded positively and was surprised how much he liked spending time with her. Over the next six months they gingerly explored getting back together. Then, at a business meeting, he met a woman that obviously intrigued him. The attraction was mutual. Both single and living in the same town, they started seeing each other. Right from the beginning Peter was honest about exploring the possibility of reuniting with his ex. His new friend seemed quite understanding and suggested to simply explore a friendship and give Peter time to gain clarity about his situation.

The conflict and how to resolve it:
Rule 1: For Catherine and Peter to resolve their conflict honorably and constructively, complete honesty and disclosure is mandatory. It is not uncommon that a person finds him or herself in a state of indecision. Asking for time is not an unreasonable request as long as all involved are given all the facts. Consequently, all parties have the ability to decide what feels right for them: continuance or exit.

Rule 2: While it seems that Catherine and Peter are in control regarding the ultimate outcome, not so if the truth is revealed. Each involved participant has a choice to make. The issues to resolve for each are based on a deep examination of their feelings. They all need to sit back, turn inside, listen to their inner voice and hear what it says. Actually writing down what the “gut” reveals is crucial. Feelings don’t lie.

Rule 3: Asking the right questions. What is it that makes me happy? What activities, what pursuits, conditions would make my life whole? What qualities do I admire in a partner, what can I not live with? What are the elements that make me feel secure, cared for, trusting and comfortable? What are my needs and expectations and are they realistic? Can I be a true partner to the person I hope to share my life?

Write down the answers and review if that's what you really feel. Overruling your inner voice with your brain will probably lead to making wrong choices. Inner exploration is not easy, and may be more difficult for men. There is nothing wrong in sorting things out with an objective friend or seeking professional help. Most importantly, be sure you've gained clarity and understand what your feelings tell you. Then go with your heart to create the loving life you seek.

Jacqui

Resources to Help with elderly parents

April 2007
"Go with the Heart!"

October 2004
"Chemistry or Friendship - what's more important to start a relationship?"

September 2004
"How can I tell him about his ODOR problem and not offend him?"

August 2004
"Four Secrets That Make For Happiness!"

July 2004
"He pressures me to have sex but I'm not ready. What do I do?"

June 2004
What is Intimacy?

May 2004
Chemistry?

April 2004
She just kept spending and i didn't put my foot down

March 2004
What men would like you to know but don't dare talk about

February 2004
Overcoming the fear of loving?

January 2004
Age difference - can it work?

December 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

July 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

June 2003
Falling in love - the unconscious did it

May 2003
Couples and Intimacy - the Basics!

April 2003
43% of American women are sexually dysfunctional? Hype or Reality?

March 2003
How to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50,because of divorce or widowhood?

February 2003
When "if' only's" stand in the way of love.

January 2003
The Knight to solve your relationship problems is in your heart.

December 2002
How Can I get him to act?

November 2002
Winning against yourself

October 2002
Recapture health & energy

September 2002
I'm terrified of getting hurt again

August 2002
Low self-esteem, is there a way I can change?

July 2002
Stop the hurting and start the loving

June 2002
The Cat or Me?

May 2002
A female co-worker is edging in on our marriage

April 2002
He lost his job and takes it out on me.

March 2002
Turf issues: Old friends vs. a new partner.

February 2002:
If I say yes, does it mean I settle for money?

January 2002
Sign here for a happier life.

December 2001
Give each other the gift of good communication.

November 2001
Turning negative fear into positive energy.

October 2001
What's essential to make a relationship work?

September 2001
My husband say's UV rays can cause considerable eye damage.

August 2001
His jealousy is causing a lot of tension and I'm very concerned about losing him.

July 2001
How to put romance into your vacation.