Dear Jacqui:
I'm a 58 year old woman and I do not think about sex that often. However, my 64 year old husband likes it very much. Shouldn't a 64 year old male be slowing down? I can't keep up, and he feels cheated. The stresses of life have taken a toll. What is the matter with me? Too tired at night and too tired in the morning.
Elizabeth C.

Dear Elizabeth:
The sadness in your letter touches me. The fact that you have written suggests that you have the courage to change. Bravo! Here goes. Start by writing down everything you like about yourself and your life. Is it your eyes, your sense of caring and loyalty, your husband's love and desire for you?

From now on revisit your "positive" list every morning and let go of two negatives each day. Good thoughts, like the sun, give your feelings a lift. Little by little you'll experience that your joy and love of life are not gone, simply buried under heaps of hurt and misunderstandings that you're letting go.

Next, invite your husband to share a journey with you. Your common goal is to build a more loving, more intimate marriage. Together make a list of suggestions on how to put more love in your relationship.

They can be as simple as giving each other a hug each morning or holding hands before going to sleep. Enact your ideas daily and talk about them. Avoid accusations! Use the "I" term when you speak, not the "you." Explain how you feel rather than blaming each other. Encourage each other to communicate more positively: "Could you say this in a kinder way" Could you change that habit just a little?

Keep the person you love separate from their words and actions. You don't want to cancel or diminish your love just improve communication. Keep reviewing your progress. Continue what works. Abandon what doesn't.

Be frank, especially when discussing your sexual life. Tell each other what you like. Show how you like to be touched, kissed or stroked and what excites you. There are no limits to loving and enjoying great sexuality at any age, frequency is not a benchmark. Most studies on sexuality report that partners in the fifties and sixties are happier, more fulfilled sexually than younger couples.

Stay in touch with your good feelings. The sun is in your soul. We truly have the power to turn it on by loving, ourselves included.

Jacqui

You can mail your own question to Jacqui at: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Or E-mail her at: info@veryprivate.com For more information visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2003 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.