For a happier, more intimate relationship.

Many women who have contacted me regarding sexual questions refer to their intimate body parts as “down there”. Obviously they feel shy about being specific or have only vague ideas what the most intimate parts of their bodies are named, look like or how they function. The inability to talk openly about sexuality is often the result of beliefs our parents or religious leaders instilled in us during childhood or young adulthood when we first learn about sexuality. These beliefs we grew up with are not easy to change or abandon. Unfortunately they prevent us from talking openly about our sexual needs, fears or desires with our partners. More damaging, they interfere with our enjoyment of intimacy and sexual joy. The data speaks for itself; sexual unhappiness and malfunctioning is a prime reason many marriages and relationships break up.

Yet this problem is not irreversible. The solution requires a re-evaluation of our beliefs about love and sexuality as well as a journey of discovery of our body and its functions. We may require the help of a professional counselor to learn how to change our behavior patterns if we are determined to find pleasure and satisfaction and a sexually happy life. Body exploration is easier for men since their sexual tools are all out in front. For women to learn what their sexual realm looks and feels like, the help of a mirror is needed to actually get the picture. We initiate our exploration by letting our eyes watch our fingers. Each time they touch a different secret spot, we need to focus on how that feels, starting with the vulva, the soft mound with pubic hair which is exposed. Then we learn about the outer, then inner vaginal lips. Next we explore the hidden perineum, the smooth area between vaginal opening and anus. Next we experience touching the most erogenous zones, starting with the vagina. Its opening is actually a muscle that can contract and expand, not just an entry way for the penis. Next the clitoris, it is that tiny button that is most sensitive to touch and stimulation and also the only part of our body that’s purely there to give pleasure. Even though the “clit” is four inches long, only the very tip is exposed. Most women can reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Only half of all women, data says, can enjoy orgasm through intercourse. Important to know is that men can reach orgasm in two to three minutes. Women need ten to twenty minutes till they are ready for penetration. Yet women can enjoy the actual orgasm about three times longer than men do.

Finally, the urethra is the small opening through which urine is passed and also part of the intimate zone. Next comes touching every inch of our entire body to learn where our “sensitivity” spots are. By exploring our own body we discover what turns us on, what feels sensational, and then tell our love partner what feels good and where, clearly and specifically. No hinting or vagueness. A caring partner wants clarity, wants to know where we like to be kissed, stroked or touched. Sometimes we have to help by guiding our partner’s hand to show the very spot. To be a good lover means getting the directions right from the start and being clear what we expect. Sharing this intimate information can wipe out many misunderstandings, especially if it is delivered with a twinkle. In summary, exploration first, open communication second. There’s nothing naughty about finding a way to greater happiness.

Jacqui

E-mail Jacqui your question to Jacqui at contact.veryprivate@gmail.com. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. © 2007 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.

Resources to Help with elderly parents

2009

March 2009
"Exploring Your Body is not Naughty -- it Improves Sexual Happiness!"

February 2009
"Hormone Replacement Therapy! Is this the final word?"

January 2009
"When Love meets Money – how to manage!"

2008

December 2008
"GIVE THE GIFT OF HONESTY!"

November 2008
"HEALING YOUR ACHING BACK – WITHOUT SURGERY."

October 2008
"She says he’s emotionally unavailable. He say’s she’s too intrusive!"

September 2008
"How to spot a player!"

August 2008
"Two daily vitamins with big health payoffs!"

July 2008
"Why Keeping It Off Is A Struggle!"

June 2008
"Why Can’t I Remember His Name?"

May 2008
"Being Pampered in Switzerland"

April 2008
"JEALOUSY – what is it, how to overcome it?"

March 2008
"Older Women -Younger Men! Does it work?"

February 2008
"Can hormones make us more trusting?"

January 2008
"How False Expectations Undermine Our Lives."

2007

December 2007
"RECAPTURE THE JOY OF BEING"

November 2007
"Keeping The Golden Silence Can Cause Serious Health Damage."

October 2007
"YES, WE STILL LIKE SEX AT 50, 60, 70 OR 80!"

September 2007
"Heart versus Brain - which makes the love connection?"

August 2007
"Are you loosing your crowning glory?"

July 2007
"Coupling After 50 - Is Companionship Enough?"

June 2007
"Revitalizing Sexual Desire At Any Age."

May 2007
"The Dreaded Mammogram Could Be Your Greatest Gift"

April 2007
"Go with the Heart!"

March 2007
" HORMONE THERAPY – WHO TELLS THE TRUTH?"

February 2007
" Do Men Prefer Less Intelligent Women?"

2004

October 2004
"Chemistry or Friendship - what's more important to start a relationship?"

September 2004
"How can I tell him about his ODOR problem and not offend him?"

August 2004
"Four Secrets That Make For Happiness!"

July 2004
"He pressures me to have sex but I'm not ready. What do I do?"

June 2004
What is Intimacy?

May 2004
Chemistry?

April 2004
She just kept spending and i didn't put my foot down

March 2004
What men would like you to know but don't dare talk about

February 2004
Overcoming the fear of loving?

January 2004
Age difference - can it work?

2003

December 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

July 2003
The fifteen minutes love investment plan

June 2003
Falling in love - the unconscious did it

May 2003
Couples and Intimacy - the Basics!

April 2003
43% of American women are sexually dysfunctional? Hype or Reality?

March 2003
How to reconnect when suddenly single at age 50,because of divorce or widowhood?

February 2003
When "if' only's" stand in the way of love.

January 2003
The Knight to solve your relationship problems is in your heart.

2002

December 2002
How Can I get him to act?

November 2002
Winning against yourself

October 2002
Recapture health & energy

September 2002
I'm terrified of getting hurt again

August 2002
Low self-esteem, is there a way I can change?

July 2002
Stop the hurting and start the loving

June 2002
The Cat or Me?

May 2002
A female co-worker is edging in on our marriage

April 2002
He lost his job and takes it out on me.

March 2002
Turf issues: Old friends vs. a new partner.

February 2002:
If I say yes, does it mean I settle for money?

January 2002
Sign here for a happier life.

2001

December 2001
Give each other the gift of good communication.

November 2001
Turning negative fear into positive energy.

October 2001
What's essential to make a relationship work?

September 2001
My husband say's UV rays can cause considerable eye damage.

August 2001
His jealousy is causing a lot of tension and I'm very concerned about losing him.

July 2001
How to put romance into your vacation.