Dear Jacqui,
In our marriage it is my husband who does not want to have sex. And of course I am taking this very personally. He never comes to bed at night when I retire. I am assuming it is to avoid me. But he tells me no and that there is no particular reason. I have asked him several times if there is anything I can do to help him? We have had some counceling some time ago.

My husband does suffer from depression on and off and is quite dependent on over the counter pain killers to ease the pain he feels daily. I love my husband so very much but this is truly affecting our relationship. He didn't even come to bed on our wedding anniversary. I did not expect any sexual intimacy from him but it would have been nice to just cuddle. What can I possibly do to change this situation. I do love him.
Alicia

Dear Alicia,
Of course it is hard to live with this sensitive marital problem and I commend you for being so patient and understanding. I believe that your husband's lack of libido is not related to his caring feelings for you, as he says. I believe he suffers from depression and the fact that you are so supportive and loving makes him feel even more guilty and adds to the emotional burden he feels.

Avoiding coming to bed at night with you is avoiding an unbearable emotional dilemma, namely not being able to fulfill your needs and desires. As said before, I believe his negation of intimacy is connected to a psychological and possible also a physiological health condition that requires treatment.

Yes, I think it is a good idea for you to go back to counseling and probably your husband should also see a therapist independently. At the same time I recommend that he have a thorough medical check up. His health problems need attention. You did not mention if the pills your husband is taking are anti-depressants. Many of the medications in this category have side effects and indeed depress sexual libido. However, there is a new class of drugs available on the market now that have less or no impact on sexual desire. I am quite confident that the problem can be dealt with positively with proper treatment and you may once again enjoy a happy and intimate life together.

Jacqui





	"I don't know why my husband doesn't want to be intimate with me?" Dear Jacqui, In our marriage it is my husband who does not want to have sex. And of course I am taking this very personally. He never comes to bed at night when I retire. I am assuming it is to avoid me. But he tells me no and that there is no particular reason. I have asked him several times if there is anything I can do to help him? We have had some counceling some time ago. My husband does suffer from depression on and off and is quite dependent on over the counter pain killers to ease the pain he feels daily. I love my husband so very much but this is truly affecting our relationship. He didn't even come to bed on our wedding anniversary. I did not expect any sexual intimacy from him but it would have been nice to just cuddle. What can I possibly do to change this situation. I do love him. Alicia Dear Alicia, Of course it is hard to live with this sensitive marital problem and I commend you for being so patient and understanding. I believe that your husband's lack of libido is not related to his caring feelings for you, as he says. I believe he suffers from depression and the fact that you are so supportive and loving makes him feel even more guilty and adds to the emotional burden he feels. Avoiding coming to bed at night with you is avoiding an unbearable emotional dilemma, namely not being able to fulfill your needs and desires. As said before, I believe his negation of intimacy is connected to a psychological and possible also a physiological health condition that requires treatment. Yes, I think it is a good idea for you to go back to counseling and probably your husband should also see a therapist independently. At the same time I recommend that he have a thorough medical check up. His health problems need attention. You did not mention if the pills your husband is taking are anti-depressants. Many of the medications in this category have side effects and indeed depress sexual libido. However, there is a new class of drugs available on the market now that have less or no impact on sexual desire. I am quite confident that the problem can be dealt with positively with proper treatment and you may once again enjoy a happy and intimate life together. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

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