Dear Jacqui,
I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, but I have felt all along that he goes out with other women. I confronted him one night and then he left me. However, he came back into my life two weeks ago and told me that he really loved me and wanted to work things out. I gave him a second chance. I later found out he is seeing one of my girl friends.

We broke things off this past Sunday because of what he had done. We talked today and are thinking about giving it another try. Am I really being stupid? I know I deserve better but why am I stuck on this man? Is there something wrong with me that I would take him back? Help! Geri

Dear Geri,
I know our tendency is often to blame ourselves. But blame is not in order here. You forgave this man because you loved him and wanted to believe him. I can understand that. However, dear Geri, I must warn you that I do not believe this man will change his behavior unless he seeks help and is serious about changing.

He is acting in a most irresponsible way toward you. He is hurtful to people in his life. Nobody deserves this kind of destructive relationship. The other issue is the following: why do you keep forgiving him? Do you not feel that you deserve better? You seem a caring and loving person. I think you need to focus on you and learn how to accept and love yourself.

It might be very helpful if you joined group therapy or saw a therapist at least for some sessions. If money is an issue, there are social services in every community that provide this kind of help free of charge. Just look in the phone book under free clinic.

Remember this, "you" are the most important person in your life. Learn to value yourself, love yourself and understand why you might not feel deserving. I promise you, you will attract the right kind of person.

A person who has the need to hurt you and deceive you is one that hurts and deceives himself. He will continue to repeat his pattern unless he undergoes serious therapy. I wish you the strength and courage to follow my suggestion and take a step toward a happier life. You deserve it.

Jacqui





	"He treats me horribly, why can't I leave him? Dear Jacqui, I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, but I have felt all along that he goes out with other women. I confronted him one night and then he left me. However, he came back into my life two weeks ago and told me that he really loved me and wanted to work things out. I gave him a second chance. I later found out he is seeing one of my girl friends. We broke things off this past Sunday because of what he had done. We talked today and are thinking about giving it another try. Am I really being stupid? I know I deserve better but why am I stuck on this man? Is there something wrong with me that I would take him back? Help! Geri Dear Geri, I know our tendency is often to blame ourselves. But blame is not in order here. You forgave this man because you loved him and wanted to believe him. I can understand that. However, dear Geri, I must warn you that I do not believe this man will change his behavior unless he seeks help and is serious about changing. He is acting in a most irresponsible way toward you. He is hurtful to people in his life. Nobody deserves this kind of destructive relationship. The other issue is the following: why do you keep forgiving him? Do you not feel that you deserve better? You seem a caring and loving person. I think you need to focus on you and learn how to accept and love yourself. It might be very helpful if you joined group therapy or saw a therapist at least for some sessions. If money is an issue, there are social services in every community that provide this kind of help free of charge. Just look in the phone book under free clinic. Remember this, "you" are the most important person in your life. Learn to value yourself, love yourself and understand why you might not feel deserving. I promise you, you will attract the right kind of person. A person who has the need to hurt you and deceive you is one that hurts and deceives himself. He will continue to repeat his pattern unless he undergoes serious therapy. I wish you the strength and courage to follow my suggestion and take a step toward a happier life. You deserve it. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

	Back to Love & Relationships Q & A