Dear Jacqui:
I've been seeing a new man for a eight months. He had known his wife for fifteen years and is recently. We like each other very much from the beginning. As we became closer he kept assuring me that he wanted a committed, monogamous relationship.

During our last date he asked me if I had ever loved someone so much that I didn't want to be with anybody else Then he admitted that he still loved his ex but wasn't in love with her anymore.

What's the difference? Ever since that night he's been pulling away from me. I'm hurt and confused. Do I have a chance to having a solid, complete relationship with this man?
Frances

Dear Frances:
Your new man can't have his cake and eat it too. It is quite clear that he is still emotionally bound to his ex-wife even though legally free. Before he is able to engage in a full and committed relationship he needs to address these issues.

I suggest that either he or the two of you seek help from a professional therapist or marriage counselor to clarify the problem. If he's not willing to face the music you'll know pretty quickly that he is just dancing around the issues.

You need to be clear with your message. Tell him in a loving way that you are seeking a partner for life not just for a round on the dance floor. As to your second question; yes, there is a difference between being in love and loving.

At the start of a relationship people fall in love if the initial attraction is strongly positive. When magic happens both partners feel enveloped in this wonderful rush of feelings that "being in love" is.

Such an emotional high is hard to sustain. If the relationship has validity it turns into a deeper sense of love over time, a love that can endure and grow but only if both partners are ready and free to be devoted to each other.
Jacqui

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