Dear Jacqui:
I'm in a very happy third marriage and I feel lucky having found a really terrific guy. The only thing I miss is...oral sex. I really love it. He has no use for it and never does it to me. In the beginning I thought that in time he would get the message since I talked about it casually on a couple of occasions. Still, no response and I am getting a little frustrated since that's the way I have the best orgasm. How can I make him understand that this is really important to me and my happiness?
Melissa

Dear Melissa:
Many men enjoy oral sex but some don't. By just mentioning it casually you are obviously not conveying your message clearly. It is important to bring the subject out in the open and discuss it in a caring, non threatening way.

Maybe he has some psychological hang-ups with oral sex that he needs to address with the help of a therapist. Another possible solution is for the two together to get some outside help. A good "How To" book or tape on sexual practices might be another way of bringing the subject out in the open and can lead into a natural, open discussion on how each of you feel about the different aspects of your sexual lives.

Finally, you might decide that a visit with a sex therapist might prove easier to get you on the road of a mutually more fulfilling sex. If you keep repressing your desires you risk building up anger which will most certainly come between you and your husband. You should both be aware of how to build a richer, more exciting sexual life together, not risk becoming disengaged.

Jacqui

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