Dear Jacqui,
I'm 39 and married for the past four years. Although I love my wife, I'm not getting enough sex from her and this has caused me to cheat. What's worse is that she never initiates sex. I think she has a low libido and moreover it feels more like a mercy session when we do engage in sex. What can I do? Don

Dear Don,
Yours is a problem that is not unusual among couples. It is often a fact that sexual desire and satisfaction are experienced in a different way between husband and wife, and these differences can well be disconnected from the basic feelings of love partners have for each other. Additionally you are telling me that your wife has low libido. So we can't really know if the physiological condition contributes significantly to her low desire for sexuality or if there are psychological factors at work.

I would suggest that your wife gets a good health check up including an evaluation of her hormonal activity. It is possible that she suffers from a physical condition contributing to the problem and that can be cured. Additionally I believe that there is a communication barrier. Have you two really ever had a loving and really open communication about sexuality? Have
you ever really told each other in great detail what you like, what turns you on, how you like to be kissed, touched. Is your wife able to talk about the realm of the senses and sexuality? Maybe there has been conditioning in her youth that causes all kinds of feelings of shame or anxiety. If she is not able to talk to you directly I would suggest a few session with a sexual
therapist or marriage counselor to open the door to better understanding.

I can assure you that much sexual unhappiness is rooted in poor or non-communication. Couples cannot learn to please each other, to give each other what they want and expect, in bed and out, if they don't talk about it in great detail. And I mean detail, how, which way, where, how long and so forth.

Also, it might be fun to vary your sexual menu from time to time. Do you know how to make your wife happy in bed? Are you sure about it? Finding a lover outside of your marriage will not solve the problem and could really undermine your marriage and put it at risk. I am sure you know that. It is best to try the steps I suggested above and improve your problem.

Jacqui





	"I'm not getting enough sex from my wife and this has caused me to cheat" Dear Jacqui, I'm 39 and married for the past four years. Although I love my wife, I'm not getting enough sex from her and this has caused me to cheat. What's worse is that she never initiates sex. I think she has a low libido and moreover it feels more like a mercy session when we do engage in sex. What can I do? Don Dear Don, Yours is a problem that is not unusual among couples. It is often a fact that sexual desire and satisfaction are experienced in a different way between husband and wife, and these differences can well be disconnected from the basic feelings of love partners have for each other. Additionally you are telling me that your wife has low libido. So we can't really know if the physiological condition contributes significantly to her low desire for sexuality or if there are psychological factors at work. I would suggest that your wife gets a good health check up including an evaluation of her hormonal activity. It is possible that she suffers from a physical condition contributing to the problem and that can be cured. Additionally I believe that there is a communication barrier. Have you two really ever had a loving and really open communication about sexuality? Have you ever really told each other in great detail what you like, what turns you on, how you like to be kissed, touched. Is your wife able to talk about the realm of the senses and sexuality? Maybe there has been conditioning in her youth that causes all kinds of feelings of shame or anxiety. If she is not able to talk to you directly I would suggest a few session with a sexual therapist or marriage counselor to open the door to better understanding. I can assure you that much sexual unhappiness is rooted in poor or non-communication. Couples cannot learn to please each other, to give each other what they want and expect, in bed and out, if they don't talk about it in great detail. And I mean detail, how, which way, where, how long and so forth. Also, it might be fun to vary your sexual menu from time to time. Do you know how to make your wife happy in bed? Are you sure about it? Finding a lover outside of your marriage will not solve the problem and could really undermine your marriage and put it at risk. I am sure you know that. It is best to try the steps I suggested above and improve your problem. Jacqui Copyright 2003 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

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