Dear Jacqui,
I've known this woman for almost 9 years. It has never progressed to anything physical; however, I want this relationship to move to the next level. It just seems that this woman is always just out of my reach. I have tried to initiate some physical "touching", but with no luck. When we are together, we have a great time, but I think she has another man. I know I should just move on, so why don't I? Johnny

Dear Johnny,
I want you to sit back and think hard. Does your current situation remind you of an incident, a situation that happened years ago, maybe when you were just a child? Is there someone you wanted to be close with you could never really attain? Was there someone whose love you craved and yet, no matter what you did you didn't feel you could get any or enough from them?

Often, when we're disappointed in our childhood, we still carry this need for fulfillment and desire for being recognized or loved within ourselves. And it is quite common that we then seek out people who replace these early "idols". We look to them to "make up" for this unresolved chapter in our development.

You can't follow your advice, which is quite rational because it has nothing to do with reason. It has to do with your realm of feelings and feelings are not rational. Let's start looking at this problem in a different way. How do you feel about yourself?

Do you like yourself? Are you accepting of yourself? Do you think you deserve better, that you deserve a loving and caring woman in your life beyond a good friend? That's where your focus should be. If you have doubts about yourself then it is hard to move on because you may feel that you are not deserving of anything better. So you need to work on the underlying reason that stops you from achieving the happiness you deserve. It may help you to see a therapist a few times and also to read some books on self-knowledge. I wish you courage to look at the hard questions and my good wishes for a chance at a loving life.

Jacqui





	"My relationship with this women has never progressed to anything physical." Dear Jacqui, I've known this woman for almost 9 years. It has never progressed to anything physical; however, I want this relationship to move to the next level. It just seems that this woman is always just out of my reach. I have tried to initiate some physical "touching", but with no luck. When we are together, we have a great time, but I think she has another man. I know I should just move on, so why don't I? Johnny Dear Johnny, I want you to sit back and think hard. Does your current situation remind you of an incident, a situation that happened years ago, maybe when you were just a child? Is there someone you wanted to be close with you could never really attain? Was there someone whose love you craved and yet, no matter what you did you didn't feel you could get any or enough from them? Often, when we're disappointed in our childhood, we still carry this need for fulfillment and desire for being recognized or loved within ourselves. And it is quite common that we then seek out people who replace these early "idols". We look to them to "make up" for this unresolved chapter in our development. You can't follow your advice, which is quite rational because it has nothing to do with reason. It has to do with your realm of feelings and feelings are not rational. Let's start looking at this problem in a different way. How do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself? Are you accepting of yourself? Do you think you deserve better, that you deserve a loving and caring woman in your life beyond a good friend? That's where your focus should be. If you have doubts about yourself then it is hard to move on because you may feel that you are not deserving of anything better. So you need to work on the underlying reason that stops you from achieving the happiness you deserve. It may help you to see a therapist a few times and also to read some books on self-knowledge. I wish you courage to look at the hard questions and my good wishes for a chance at a loving life. Jacqui Copyright 2003 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

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