Dear Jacqui,
My wife and I had a very active physical intimate and sexual lifestyle before our 4 children were born. It's been over a year since our last child was born. We've had very little sexual encounters over the past year and intimacy is at a low as well.

My main problem is the lack of intimacy on her part. I would love the added bonus of an increased sex drive, but can wait for that. We were never into the romance of wining and dining, but I do try that whenever possible. We do give each other back and foot massages often, but more on a therapeutic level. Hugging and kissing are limited to a few seconds, but as I try to make it last longer, I get pushed away.

My wife seems very normal as far as mental health, with no past abusive problems, and we have pretty good communication between us with exception. Every chance I get to talk to her about our problem, she tries to redirect the conversation to a lack of sexual drive on her part or sex is the only issue with me. I am stumped and would appreciate any ideas or suggestions. Thank you, Franky

Dear Franky,
Interestingly enough "your problem" is the subject of one of my radio shows, Very Private Moments, Wednesdays, about 4:15 PST PM, 7:15 EST PM. You can listen to it simply by clicking on the radio symbol on my website www.veryprivate.com.

As you can see, you're not the only one with this kind of problem. I can fully understand how frustrating it can be. If you can, join our radio broadcast.

Meanwhile you sound like a wonderful husband. It is important that your wife understands how deeply this lack of sexuality affects you and that, if the frustration simply continues, it can become a serious issue between you and risk undermining your marriage.

Plan a picnic or long walk, leave the kids with friends or relatives and talk openly and lovingly. Find our what it is that bothers her and why she is no longer interested in sexuality.

It is possible that the she has a hormonal dysfunction. I suggest she visits her gynecologist and has her hormones checked. Sometimes a tiny bit of testosterone cream applied on the clitoris a couple of times per week can stimulate her desire and get her interested again. However, she needs a medical prescription for the cream.

I also suggest that you both read my columns "Ten Good Minutes" and "Give Your Partner the Gift of Communication." You will find these columns on my website, www.veryprivate.com, click Newspaper Columns, or Advice, in Love & Relationships.

Finally, it is possible that your wife produces too little intimate moisture and lovemaking might be uncomfortable. In this case the problem is easily solved. Try the Very Private Intimate Moisturizer. Apply a couple of drops between her vaginal lips and inside the vaginal opening.

Massage her gently and use a few drops on your penis. Be playful, find out what exactly she likes best, how she likes to be touched and stroked and kissed and share your favorite sensuous pleasures. Good intimacy starts with being open to each other. Communicate in a loving but frank way about the mutual likes and concerns. This will improve the language and activities of love that you can share. I hope these suggestions will bear fruit

Jacqui





	"We had sex all the time before the kids were born, now we hardly have any" Dear Jacqui, My wife and I had a very active physical intimate and sexual lifestyle before our 4 children were born. It's been over a year since our last child was born. We've had very little sexual encounters over the past year and intimacy is at a low as well. My main problem is the lack of intimacy on her part. I would love the added bonus of an increased sex drive, but can wait for that. We were never into the romance of wining and dining, but I do try that whenever possible. We do give each other back and foot massages often, but more on a therapeutic level. Hugging and kissing are limited to a few seconds, but as I try to make it last longer, I get pushed away. My wife seems very normal as far as mental health, with no past abusive problems, and we have pretty good communication between us with exception. Every chance I get to talk to her about our problem, she tries to redirect the conversation to a lack of sexual drive on her part or sex is the only issue with me. I am stumped and would appreciate any ideas or suggestions. Thank you, Franky Dear Franky, Interestingly enough "your problem" is the subject of one of my radio shows, Very Private Moments, Wednesdays, about 4:15 PST PM, 7:15 EST PM. You can listen to it simply by clicking on the radio symbol on my website www.veryprivate.com. As you can see, you're not the only one with this kind of problem. I can fully understand how frustrating it can be. If you can, join our radio broadcast. Meanwhile you sound like a wonderful husband. It is important that your wife understands how deeply this lack of sexuality affects you and that, if the frustration simply continues, it can become a serious issue between you and risk undermining your marriage. Plan a picnic or long walk, leave the kids with friends or relatives and talk openly and lovingly. Find our what it is that bothers her and why she is no longer interested in sexuality. It is possible that the she has a hormonal dysfunction. I suggest she visits her gynecologist and has her hormones checked. Sometimes a tiny bit of testosterone cream applied on the clitoris a couple of times per week can stimulate her desire and get her interested again. However, she needs a medical prescription for the cream. I also suggest that you both read my columns "Ten Good Minutes" and "Give Your Partner the Gift of Communication." You will find these columns on my website, www.veryprivate.com, click Newspaper Columns, or Advice, in Love & Relationships. Finally, it is possible that your wife produces too little intimate moisture and lovemaking might be uncomfortable. In this case the problem is easily solved. Try the Very Private Intimate Moisturizer. Apply a couple of drops between her vaginal lips and inside the vaginal opening. Massage her gently and use a few drops on your penis. Be playful, find out what exactly she likes best, how she likes to be touched and stroked and kissed and share your favorite sensuous pleasures. Good intimacy starts with being open to each other. Communicate in a loving but frank way about the mutual likes and concerns. This will improve the language and activities of love that you can share. I hope these suggestions will bear fruit Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

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