Dear Jacqui,
I recently went through a divorce and I had a male friend who helped me when things were rough. However, now I'm beginning to find myself attracted to him. I do not love my husband anymore and began my starting over process during the separation.

How soon after a divorce is it socially acceptable to have an affair. I don't want my friends and family to think I divorced because of an affair. I just want to start my new life. Valerie

Dear Valerie,
Many people become attached quickly after a final separation. In most cases they are longing for closeness and intimacy, which they haven't experienced long before the final separation happened.

So it is quite understandable that you find yourself attracted to the friend who helped you through this difficult period in your life. What you should focus on now is if these feelings that are growing in you are temporary or have a deeper meaning. Only time will tell if the attraction between you and your friend can blossom into a permanent love relationship.

After any divorce, our feelings are in turbulence. Often it is not clear what we feel and we need time to settle down and become comfortable and secure again. Don't worry about friends and family and how they perceive your new "love".

You cannot control what they think, how they see a particular situation and....it really doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel now and in the future. Be patient with yourself and enjoy discovering your new friend and sharing your feelings with him. Be open, be truthful and be sensitive. You'll know when the time is right for opening your heart and if he's ready to take the next step.

Jacqui

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