Dear Jacqui,
My husband and I have children and we've been together for six years. Lately he has been showing signs of jealousy. Now he doesn't want to have any intimacy. I can't believe him. He's a healthy 32-year-old. How does sex just dry up and go away? Do you think there is someone else? Sandy

Dear Sandy,
I believe the cause for your husband's change of behavior is not due to a sexual dysfunction but a psychological problem that causes these symptoms. Yes, there is a possibility he's interested in someone else. There might also be things that are really bothering him and he is not able to share these concerns with you or maybe anybody else. So his actions obviously are frightening and confusing to you -- and maybe himself as well.

What is urgently needed is open, caring and helpful communication between the two of you. Do not accuse him. Try to open the conversation by saying that your marriage means a great deal to you, that you love him and miss him and would like to help both of you to understand the nature of the problems and find a way to correct them.

Give him the opportunity of opening up to you. Give him the feeling of caring and understanding so you can reach him. Without talking, without understanding what's really going on your situation can only get worse. You may wish to avail yourselves to some sessions with a couple's therapist to overcome the initial hurdles. In every community there are competent people available to help you sort out your difficulties. Remember this, both of you are at risk of loosing a loving relationship, both of you have the opportunity to regain the love and excitement that you shared. So a real effort on both your parts is needed.

Jacqui

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