Dear Jacqui,
I've been married for 4 years and I'm not sure about my feelings with my husband any more. We hardly do any activities together and I don't think I'm attracted to him. I don't want a divorce because I don't want to start over. I'm 23-years-old but I feel like I'm 60, my husband is 30. I don't know what to do.

I feel like I love him because of what a good person he is and how much he says he loves me. He says he can't live with out me. I feel sorry for him and myself and my family is against divorce, please help.
Betty

Dear Betty,
What the two of you need urgently is communication about your true feelings. You should tell him why you're unhappy; say it in a loving and positive way. Don't accuse each other. Use I statements such as "I feel unhappy because it seems that we never do things together, that we get further and further apart from each other. Let's find a way to become closer. What do you suggest?"

To accuse each other of things that you or he didn't do won't get you anywhere. If this process is too difficult, then I suggest you get some family counseling. In each community there are free services that will help couples learn how to communicate better and overcome the deep emotional barriers.

You feel sixty because your emotions are caught and you can't seem to find a way out. Divorce might not be the answer -- not because it is the wrong decision but because I can see that you still have a lot of good feelings vested in this marriage.

Maybe, with better communication and understanding of what really is going on, you two can turn things around. But you both have to be willing to be open, caring, positive and work through your problems in an affirmative way. Please try to talk. It's really not so scary once you start. I wish you success.

Jacqui

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