Dear Jacqui,
I'm 22, just got married, have a newborn child, and I was engaged to my husband for 6 years. And I found out my husband cheated on me 2 years ago with a very close friend. I'm confused on what to do. He thinks I should get over it because it happened a long time ago. I can't help but wonder how many other times he's cheated. I want to do what's best for my son and I, but I don't know what that is. Can you please help? Terry

Dear Terry,
I can understand that you are confused and upset but let's try to put things into perspective. You are both very young. Building a relationship together is not easy for anybody. It takes a lot of communicating , patience, learning and years to achieve real good understanding and communication. Sometimes we stumble and hopefully our partner can understand why and how and gives us a chance to remedy our ways.

I think it is important that you start communicating deeply with each other. Before you take any drastic steps, try to find out what really motivated him to turn to another person for intimacy. Sometimes we commit acts out of insecurity or confusion that we later regret.

You have a lot of talking and discovering of each other to do. You have to weigh if this was a singular act of trespassing or if your husband simply isn't mature enough to be in a monogamous relationship. In many cases talking to a marriage coach can help give you both clarity to understand what was going on and how to avoid problems in he future.

You have a baby and you didn't tell me that you no longer love your husband -- just that you feel confused. I suggest you commit to resolving this matter in a fundamental way. Get some professional help. Get to the bottom of it before making judgments and taking steps that you may later regret.

Jacqui

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