Dear Jacqui,
Thanks for offering to read and respond to my email. From the beginning of our marriage intimacy has been strained. During the dating period my wife was romantic and playful, until the Honeymoon. From the very day we got married it's been a pretty cold relationship. There are times that we have gone without intimacy for nearly a year.

She is cold to the touch, stiff in a hug and short to hold a hand. The lack of love breaks my heart and if not for our adopted children there would be no reason to stay together. We are now in our fifties, married for 20 years and divorce is not in my vocabulary although it runs off her tongue with ease. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, Steve

Dear Steve,
I have great empathy with you, you seem to be an especially caring, and considerate man and deserve a loving and happy life. I believe you touched on the very issues that cause your wife's inability to be warm, sexually engaged and intimate. Many a children who were abused like she was are threatened by physical and emotional closeness.

The closeness that can exist between two partners is more intimate and thus more threatening than any other human relationship they have to handle. They consequently do what your wife did: withdraw. I don't believe that you can right the situation without her getting help from psychiatric counseling. If it hasn't happened in all these years -- she most probably won't change. Your feelings about her sexual orientation might have some foundation.

Our inner feelings are often right, and women who have been sexually assaulted by a man might turn to other women where they feel safer. Often they do so "secretly," and they might not wish to act upon these desires. You really have only two choices: Speak up, be open and caring and force a change because it is obvious you are still vested in this marriage and want to try to save it.

Get her to commit to therapy or tell her that you cannot continue this kind of life. You do have rights to happiness and you can find it, maybe not with her. If this is not in your heart, find the help of a couple's therapist, maybe there will be a natural evolution for both of you through the counseling process. I wish you courage and the kind of loving life you truly deserve.

Jacqui




		Love & Relationships
	"After the honeymoon she lost interest in me" Dear Jacqui, Thanks for offering to read and respond to my email. From the beginning of our marriage intimacy has been strained. During the dating period my wife was romantic and playful, until the Honeymoon. From the very day we got married it's been a pretty cold relationship. There are times that we have gone without intimacy for nearly a year. She is cold to the touch, stiff in a hug and short to hold a hand. The lack of love breaks my heart and if not for our adopted children there would be no reason to stay together. We are now in our fifties, married for 20 years and divorce is not in my vocabulary although it runs off her tongue with ease. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, Steve Dear Steve, I have great empathy with you, you seem to be an especially caring, and considerate man and deserve a loving and happy life. I believe you touched on the very issues that cause your wife's inability to be warm, sexually engaged and intimate. Many a children who were abused like she was are threatened by physical and emotional closeness. The closeness that can exist between two partners is more intimate and thus more threatening than any other human relationship they have to handle. They consequently do what your wife did: withdraw. I don't believe that you can right the situation without her getting help from psychiatric counseling. If it hasn't happened in all these years -- she most probably won't change. Your feelings about her sexual orientation might have some foundation. Our inner feelings are often right, and women who have been sexually assaulted by a man might turn to other women where they feel safer. Often they do so "secretly," and they might not wish to act upon these desires. You really have only two choices: Speak up, be open and caring and force a change because it is obvious you are still vested in this marriage and want to try to save it. Get her to commit to therapy or tell her that you cannot continue this kind of life. You do have rights to happiness and you can find it, maybe not with her. If this is not in your heart, find the help of a couple's therapist, maybe there will be a natural evolution for both of you through the counseling process. I wish you courage and the kind of loving life you truly deserve. Jacqui Copyright 2002 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

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