Viagra® and Your Relationship
by
David S. Hersh, EdD, FAACS

Previously taboo men's medical issues such as erectile dysfunction and prostate cancer are now regularly in the headlines. Men are beginning to pay attention to the physical problems that can cause loss of life?or loss of sexual function.

Viagra® has come to Canada! Like everything else, it has positives and negatives. When it debuted in the U.S., it provoked comment by the media and became the source of numerous jokes. Barbara Walters mentioned that some men want to take the pill every night, and their wives are not necessarily thrilled with the added sexual attention. Others have suggested it is the start of a new sexual revolution similar to the introduction of the birth control pill.

Viagra® has been demonstrated to be effective for both physical and psychological causes of erectile failure. Nevertheless, the longer the sexual dysfunction has been going on, the less likely it is that you and your partner will return to your previous level of functioning.

Over time, both of you have accommodated to the lack of erection. Unfortunately, many couples, especially where communication about sex is lacking, drift toward the complete termination of sexual relations.

So, now you can enhance your erection with a pill, but it will not increase either your sexual desire (libido) or the receptivity of your partner. In fact, if someone surreptitiously slipped the drug into your drink, you would probably notice nothing at all without sexual stimulation.

If sexual activity is not initiated, there will be no physical response of erection. There will be no psychic sense of having taken a drug, no feeling of getting "high." There will be no mood alteration.

How will this new ability to get an erection affect other factors in your relationship? I expect it will have great impact. Some men do not initiate sex because they fear they will fail to get a really firm erection. If Viagra® gives confidence and better erections to men who occasionally get nervous or have occasional erectile problems, it may mean a more satisfying sex life overall.

My concern is not with the ability of a drug to help you overcome erectile dysfunction. Anything that works! My concern is that it may be perceived as a cure-all. But what real impacts will it have, and will it actually have far reaching effects beyond helping you attain erection? Will it decrease the divorce rate? (Do women really leave their husbands because they no longer have the sexual energy of a twenty-year-old?)

My experience demonstrates that the number one reason why couples break up is definitely not a man's lack of ability to achieve an erection. Both men and women need to understand that the normal aging process results in changes to our sexual functioning, which can lead to anxiety and erection problems.

This drug could have an adverse effect on relationships in general, by reinforcing the cultural focus that many men have on performance and "goal-oriented sex." The situation is bad enough now. Good sex does NOT equal a good relationship.

Will the use of this drug delay a man or woman from leaving a bad relationship, or allow a good relationship to continue? Will it deceive a partner into believing that he/she is really loved and wanted? I tend to believe that Viagra® will not profoundly change the manner in which men and women relate to each other.

My point is simply that sex and relationships are complicated, and simple solutions are usually wishful thinking. Viagra® will not eliminate the other problems in the relationship, but may only bring them to the fore. This may occur after a period of happiness, satisfaction and experimenting with the new erection capability.

A couple of words about what Viagra® does not do: it does not make men good listeners?that drug, unfortunately, is still a very long way off. It does not make men desire their partners more, make them better lovers, increase their passion or do most things that people would like it to do. There's obviously a great danger of your having unrealistic expectations in all directions.

With the availability of Viagra®, you are more likely to bring your sexual questions directly to your primary care physician. Hopefully, your concern about erections will translate into paying more attention to your overall health.

It will give you the opportunity to have your physical symptoms evaluated to rule out many conditions that need to be addressed prior to prescribing Viagra® for you. Your doctor will find that Viagra® is easy to prescribe, effective in most cases, and almost free of side effects. This is a wonderful advancement! Please proceed with caution and examine where it fits into your relationship.

This article was written by David S. Hersh, EdD, FAACS.

Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

Back to Guy's Corner Q & A