Dear Jacqui,
My husband finds all sorts of excuses not to bathe or wash hair, brush teeth, trim nails, etc. We've been married less than 6 months. Now when we're intimate, it's growing harder to ignore the greasy hair or the fingernails that accidentally always manage to scratch me. Our sexual relationship is becoming less frequent because I find myself avoiding intimacy due to his cleanliness. I don't want this to continue but when I try to hint at some hygiene improvements, he resents it. I find it consistently more difficult to get closer and this is taking a toll on our marriage. Need help! Anita

Dear Anita,
I believe his lack of cleanliness is symptomatic of a deeper problem, which needs to be dealt with. Possibly, if he loves you and is really vested in this relationship, he might be willing to discuss the subject matter with you if you provide a caring, trusting atmosphere, maybe over a Sunday brunch or a nice dinner ... not in the bedroom.

Start the conversation by telling him that you care deeply about him and that you wish to have better communication between the two of you in order to expand on your love and happiness. Tell him how you FEEL, how it is difficult for you to feel close and loving.

Tell him to understand that you accept him, the person, and love him, the person but that it is difficult for you to accept all he says or does. You don't want to cancel your love for him, but you want him to understand that his actions regarding poor hygiene is making you feel alienated.

If he does not want to listen, maybe you need to involve the help of a psychiatric counselor. If you cannot resolve these issues -- how can your marriage possibly grow and blossom. I wish you courage and admire you for taking positive steps to solve the problem.

Jacqui




	"My husband has poor hygiene habits, what can I do?" Dear Jacqui, My husband finds all sorts of excuses not to bathe or wash hair, brush teeth, trim nails, etc. We've been married less than 6 months. Now when we're intimate, it's growing harder to ignore the greasy hair or the fingernails that accidentally always manage to scratch me. Our sexual relationship is becoming less frequent because I find myself avoiding intimacy due to his cleanliness. I don't want this to continue but when I try to hint at some hygiene improvements, he resents it. I find it consistently more difficult to get closer and this is taking a toll on our marriage. Need help! Anita Dear Anita, I believe his lack of cleanliness is symptomatic of a deeper problem, which needs to be dealt with. Possibly, if he loves you and is really vested in this relationship, he might be willing to discuss the subject matter with you if you provide a caring, trusting atmosphere, maybe over a Sunday brunch or a nice dinner ... not in the bedroom. Start the conversation by telling him that you care deeply about him and that you wish to have better communication between the two of you in order to expand on your love and happiness. Tell him how you FEEL, how it is difficult for you to feel close and loving. Tell him to understand that you accept him, the person, and love him, the person but that it is difficult for you to accept all he says or does. You don't want to cancel your love for him, but you want him to understand that his actions regarding poor hygiene is making you feel alienated. If he does not want to listen, maybe you need to involve the help of a psychiatric counselor. If you cannot resolve these issues -- how can your marriage possibly grow and blossom. I wish you courage and admire you for taking positive steps to solve the problem. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved. Thank you for your trust.

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