Dear Jacqui:
I am 44, my husband is 49. He is having problems desiring sex. He says he loves me and wants sex but doesn't desire it. It's hard for him to get erect and stay there. Then he can't have an orgasm. He says his "balls" (sorry about the crude reference) feel like someone kicked him.

I can understand if this is why he is having problems because of pain. He says it's just stress, but I think there's more going on here. Is there such a thing as male menopause? Plus, I'm going through menopause making it doubly hard on us both! But he will not see a doctor because he's embarrassed and he does not want to take drugs. (we both don't like to be on any medication if we don't have to).

I know people use toys or sex movies to spice there sex life but we aren't into that either. We just want some way to get our sex life back. Can you help us?
Sally

Dear Sally:
Let me first concentrate on the questions relating to your husband. Men, just like women, go through maturing cycles. Their hormone levels and other physiological functions change as they age which may affect them.

And just like women, some men experience more severe symptoms than others. It is not uncommon for men to loose some of their sexual drive during these change-over years. But low libido can be helped.

I know your husband won't like my suggestion but it is really important that he gets a thorough medical check-up including having his hormone levels checked. There are a number of health conditions that can affect libido including diabetes.

If it is a health condition that impacts his sexuality proper diagnosis and treatment are essential. Secondly, it is important to consider what else is going on in his life beyond his physical condition.

Without talking to him, I get a sense that there are serious pressures that weigh him down and may cause loss of libido and sexual dysfunction. Does he have unusual stress in his work or other serious concerns that impact him? Psychological factors often cause loss of sexual desire. Again, the most important issue is to identify the root of the problem. In either case, be it psychological or physiological, your husband can be helped.

In terms of your menopausal symptoms, I want you to know that millions of women have very happy sexual lives while they are going through menopause.

While menopausal symptoms such as sleeplessness, hot flashes, vaginal dryness can be difficult to live with, they can be treated with a number of different approaches:

...herbal medications, a specific diet, regular exercise, anti-stress work-outs such as yoga and medical treatments such as hormone replacement therapy.

For vaginal dryness a pH balanced intimate moisturizer-lubricant before intimacy works instantly and effectively. It eliminates dryness, makes the beginning of intimacy comfortable and enhances the experience. In fact, many couples report that it makes them more adventurous and more playful with each other.

Finally, you and your husband may wish to consider a few visits with a therapist if your problem is not of a medical nature. Please assure your husband that there is nothing shameful about wanting to find the way back to a healthy and happy sexual life.

Millions of couples go through the same struggles. The cure, even if it is a little uncomfortable and takes a shot of courage, is an investment in your happiness.

Jacqui




	It's hard for him to get erect and stay there. Is there such as thing as male menopause? Dear Jacqui: I am 44, my husband is 49. He is having problems desiring sex. He says he loves me and wants sex but doesn't desire it. It's hard for him to get erect and stay there. Then he can't have an orgasm. He says his "balls" (sorry about the crude reference) feel like someone kicked him. I can understand if this is why he is having problems because of pain. He says it's just stress, but I think there's more going on here. Is there such a thing as male menopause? Plus, I'm going through menopause making it doubly hard on us both! But he will not see a doctor because he's embarrassed and he does not want to take drugs. (we both don't like to be on any medication if we don't have to). I know people use toys or sex movies to spice there sex life but we aren't into that either. We just want some way to get our sex life back. Can you help us? Sally Dear Sally: Let me first concentrate on the questions relating to your husband. Men, just like women, go through maturing cycles. Their hormone levels and other physiological functions change as they age which may affect them. And just like women, some men experience more severe symptoms than others. It is not uncommon for men to loose some of their sexual drive during these change-over years. But low libido can be helped. I know your husband won't like my suggestion but it is really important that he gets a thorough medical check-up including having his hormone levels checked. There are a number of health conditions that can affect libido including diabetes. If it is a health condition that impacts his sexuality proper diagnosis and treatment are essential. Secondly, it is important to consider what else is going on in his life beyond his physical condition. Without talking to him, I get a sense that there are serious pressures that weigh him down and may cause loss of libido and sexual dysfunction. Does he have unusual stress in his work or other serious concerns that impact him? Psychological factors often cause loss of sexual desire. Again, the most important issue is to identify the root of the problem. In either case, be it psychological or physiological, your husband can be helped. In terms of your menopausal symptoms, I want you to know that millions of women have very happy sexual lives while they are going through menopause. While menopausal symptoms such as sleeplessness, hot flashes, vaginal dryness can be difficult to live with, they can be treated with a number of different approaches: ...herbal medications, a specific diet, regular exercise, anti-stress work-outs such as yoga and medical treatments such as hormone replacement therapy. For vaginal dryness a pH balanced intimate moisturizer-lubricant before intimacy works instantly and effectively. It eliminates dryness, makes the beginning of intimacy comfortable and enhances the experience. In fact, many couples report that it makes them more adventurous and more playful with each other. Finally, you and your husband may wish to consider a few visits with a therapist if your problem is not of a medical nature. Please assure your husband that there is nothing shameful about wanting to find the way back to a healthy and happy sexual life. Millions of couples go through the same struggles. The cure, even if it is a little uncomfortable and takes a shot of courage, is an investment in your happiness. Jacqui Copyright 2000 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

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