Dear Jacqui:
We celebrated our first anniversary last week. Before we married we lived together two years because, having both been divorced, we wanted to really get to know each other well before jumping in.

One of the things that made our relationship so exciting was our incredible sexual attraction. We are both highly sexual animals. But, in the last few months I've simply lost it. I have trouble getting aroused. Often I am bone dry which is obvious to my husband. I'd give anything to feel like I did before. Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating. Please help.
Julia

Dear Julia:
For most couples, sexuality, when it's new, is the most exciting time of intimacy. As this sexual euphoria begins to fade a little, a new feeling of a deepening love may begin to grow. Both partners can learn to enjoy the comfort and ease that comes with knowing each other better and being able to please each other more.

If you truly love your man and it wasn't a mere infatuation, then maybe there is something wrong with your expectation. Accept the fact that nothing is static in a relationship, including sexuality. Instead of worrying about what has gone wrong, concentrate on what's wonderful between you.

Stay present during love making. Feel his touch, his kisses, the sexual gifts he offers you. Relax into it. Breathe deeply, feel the sensation of lovemaking in your mind, on your skin, in your vaginal area. And why not use an intimate moisturizer to make the beginning of intimacy easier and less pressured so you don't have to worry about vaginal dryness. Moment by moment become an active participant again rather than a passive observer. Embrace the pleasure of love rather than measuring it against sexual memories of the past.
Jacqui

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