Dear Jacqui,
I've been divorced for a very long time and suddenly found Mr. Wonderful. We've been together 16 months and it's probably been the happiest time of my life. We are completely compatible?except there is a sexual problem. I have given him manual and oral sexual pleasure and he keeps encouraging me to continue. However, he has never approached me sexually, just lots of loving hugs and cuddling, but not even one deep kiss.

He is not in the best of health; he has problems with gout, high blood pressure and takes medication that may affect his libido. He is a little overweight and enjoys his daily libation. I am a very active, sexual woman and have had several discussion with him to express my needs and desires.

On one occasion I even showed him how to touch me, stroke me and kiss me. He made a feeble attempt and fell asleep within a couple of minutes. Later he apologized and said he would make it up to me but he never even tried. Last week he proposed and we are talking marriage.

I've tried to be patient and understanding but now I feel so torn. On one hand I can?t imagine life without him. But I?m not sure I could live without sexuality and avoid becoming frustrated and resentful.
Francine B.

Dear Francine,
It is very understandable that you are "confused" by his's contradictory behavior. He claims to love you yet refrains from even touching you in a sexual way and reciprocating your sexual gifts. It is clear that you are a very caring woman and have demonstrated a lot of patience and understanding.

His inability to be sexually active with you might be caused by a combination of problems. Blood pressure medications can cause loss of libido, but not all of them do.

I suggest you both visits with his medical doctor and have a frank discussion about his state of health and the effects of his medication. However, falling asleep when trying to gratify the woman he loves is not a medical problem. He simply couldn't handle the sexuality and escaped into sleep.

Sexual avoidance and quite possibly his need for daily alcohol are clearly psychological issues that need to be resolved. Since you?ve brought up the issues of sexuality before without result, I suggest you explore the help of a counselor or sex therapist in identifying the problem and solving it together so you may indeed enjoy the bliss of a happy marriage in all ways.

Jacqui



			Boomer Forum
	He couldn't handle the sexuality and escaped into sleep. Dear Jacqui, I've been divorced for a very long time and suddenly found Mr. Wonderful. We've been together 16 months and it's probably been the happiest time of my life. We are completely compatible?except there is a sexual problem. I have given him manual and oral sexual pleasure and he keeps encouraging me to continue. However, he has never approached me sexually, just lots of loving hugs and cuddling, but not even one deep kiss. He is not in the best of health; he has problems with gout, high blood pressure and takes medication that may affect his libido. He is a little overweight and enjoys his daily libation. I am a very active, sexual woman and have had several discussion with him to express my needs and desires. On one occasion I even showed him how to touch me, stroke me and kiss me. He made a feeble attempt and fell asleep within a couple of minutes. Later he apologized and said he would make it up to me but he never even tried. Last week he proposed and we are talking marriage. I've tried to be patient and understanding but now I feel so torn. On one hand I can?t imagine life without him. But I?m not sure I could live without sexuality and avoid becoming frustrated and resentful. Francine B. Dear Francine, It is very understandable that you are "confused" by his's contradictory behavior. He claims to love you yet refrains from even touching you in a sexual way and reciprocating your sexual gifts. It is clear that you are a very caring woman and have demonstrated a lot of patience and understanding. His inability to be sexually active with you might be caused by a combination of problems. Blood pressure medications can cause loss of libido, but not all of them do. I suggest you both visits with his medical doctor and have a frank discussion about his state of health and the effects of his medication. However, falling asleep when trying to gratify the woman he loves is not a medical problem. He simply couldn't handle the sexuality and escaped into sleep. Sexual avoidance and quite possibly his need for daily alcohol are clearly psychological issues that need to be resolved. Since you?ve brought up the issues of sexuality before without result, I suggest you explore the help of a counselor or sex therapist in identifying the problem and solving it together so you may indeed enjoy the bliss of a happy marriage in all ways. Jacqui Copyright 2001 Brandwynne Corporation. All rights reserved.

	Back to Boomer Forum Q & A